10 STOP, THINK AND SILENCE YOUR INNER CRITIC

STOP 🛑✋🏾

Stop and think before you let that inner critic fly. Think about how much others don't know about you. How so few know your story and your struggles. They couldn't tell by looking at you. The same is true for those you see, observe and encounter. So, before you give permission to that inner critic, the one that always has something negative to say, that consistently tears down and laugh at others, remember when you look at them, you don't know their story just as they don't know yours. Practice self-restraint, hold your tongue, hold your thoughts, censor your judgements and humble your opinions because the truth is, you do not know the depth or breath of their struggles.

Be accountable for what comes out of your mouth and how much real estate you surrender to germinating toxic notions about people you don't know. If what you have to share is not with the intention to uplift, inspire, motivate, congratulate, affirm, keep it to yourself.

Be mindful of the energy you put out into the world.

0 POLITE OUT OF COURTESY

The chosen act of Politeness

I am being polite when I say, 'excuse me' more than once when you insist on standing in the way.

I am being polite when I say, 'I am not abled' as you continuously badger me to get your way.

I am being polite when I say, 'my schedule does not allow for the opportunity to hosts guests in my home' as you attempt to pry entry with self invites to my home.

I am being polite when I say 'it's personal' when you insist on knowing my affairs.

I have allowed politeness to dictate my responses out of courtesy. However, if you insist on ingratiating yourself without discretion. Your indiscretion will be all the encouragement required to drop the politeness and say exactly what I mean ...

Get out my way!

No, I don't wish to go anywhere with you!

I don't want you in my house.

None of your damn business!

Take the hints that my polite subtlety provides, it is for your consideration. Do not wait for deliberate rudeness to prevail and the course of your humiliation to being due to your intrusive insistence.

---D.S.B.S.Rhaosody Phoenix

2 5 WAYS TO HELP SOMEONE EXPERIENCING ABUSE

Abuse doesn’t just affect the people directly involved. When someone you love and care about is being abused, it can leave you feeling angry, scared, and helpless. Victims of abuse often need the help and the support of others to break the cycle of violence. But it’s more complicated than just telling them to leave. Here are 5 ways to support someone experiencing abuse.

1. Talk
Let your friend know that you are concerned for their safety and well-being. Remember, there are many different types of abuse and a lot of people may not recognize that they are in an abusive relationship, especially if physical violence is absent.  Remember to be gentle. Don’t force the issue—someone experiencing abuse can still feel a lot of love towards their abuser. Make sure that your loved one knows that they can talk to you and that you are there to support them, no matter what. If you are judgemental or take a “tough love” approach, this can feel like more abuse and control for a victim, causing them to seek comfort with their abuser. Be a safe place for your loved one.

2. Reassure
Tell your loved one that you believe them and stress that it is not their fault. Nobody deserves to be abused or to be made to feel unsafe in their own home. Many people experiencing abuse don’t feel ready to physically leave the relationship and cut off ties with their abuser. In fact, violence can escalate when the victim tries to leave the abuser. Be sure to emphasize that your friend’s safety and that of any children or pets involved is most important. Remind your friend not to confront the abusive partner but instead to safely plan an exit strategy. If your friend is not ready to leave, reinforce that that’s okay and that you are still here and do not judge their decision.

3. Be there
There are so many ways you can be there for someone who is experiencing abuse. You can offer a safe place to stay. You can offer child care while your friend accesses other resources, like a social worker or medical professional. You can store some of your friend’s belongings, in case they need to get out of their house with short notice. These items could include photocopies of passports, citizenship papers, driver’s license, banking information. It could also include a change of clothes and some cash for emergencies.

4. Give information
Remember, knowledge is power. This could include telling your friend experiencing abuse about resources available like Interval House, or the Assaulted Women’s Helpline. It’s also important to reinforce security measures when researching resources, to ensure the abusive partner doesn’t catch wise by checking internet browser history or your friend’s phone. Suggest that your friend access information on public computers or use an incognito window that won’t save browsing history.

5. Make an emergency plan
Be honest with your loved one that abuse can escalate, and it can escalate fast. You can agree on a code word or code message that can be texted to you to indicate your friend needs you to get help. Stress that if your friend is in immediate danger they should call 911. It may feel like an overreaction, but better safe than sorry! It’s always an option to call emergency services and leave the phone off the hook to discreetly alert the police without an abuser knowing. Maybe your friend doesn’t want to phone the police because their partner has a criminal history—remember they may still care about their partner and want to protect them. It’s good to remember at times like these that you can always call the Assaulted Women’s Helpline or Interval House crisis line.

DON’T FORGET TO KEEP YOURSELF SAFE
Helping someone in an abusive relationship can be emotionally, mentally, and physically draining. Don’t be afraid to reach out for your own support and take care of yourself in the process. And no matter how badly you want to help your friend or family member, your safety should be kept a priority. Don’t get in the middle of an assault and in an emergency call 911.

Interval House 24/7 Crisis Line: 1-888-293-5516
Assaulted Women’s Helpline: 1-866-863-7868
________________________________________
Article written by Cass, Reblogged from www.intervalhouse.ca

14 HE ROARED AND ROARED!

It was a smooth subway ride that was surprisingly fast without delays or tunnel traffic stops. I was happy. I thought, 'I am making good time.'

Feeling good on making excellent time I boarded the streetcar on the last track of my commute. I sat quietly reading while waiting for it to take off. Across from me sat a Philippino young man in what seem like his early 20s. To the right of him on the ground sat his florescent green knapsack covered in grime and unsightly stains. He picked up his knapsack off the ground and searched around around a bit.  He eventually pulled out a bottle of coke and drank thirstily. He then put the rest of the coke back into his bag and dropped it unceremoniously on the ground. He moved restlessly on the seat. Although I continue to read I split my attention to pay attention to my surroundings.

The streetcar closed its doors and sped off. Halfway through the ride I noticed the young man moving more restlessly. His hands and feet would kick out in unexpected intervolves. I became more alert. I immediately put away my reading and sat with more awareness.  Instinct told me something was about to happen. I though I was ready. I thought I was alert. Suddenly he roared this rip roaring sound! I almost jumped out of my skin. I could see the startled faces of the passengers around me. Some people were visibly uncomfortable while others were frightened. Others moved back further into the streetcar while someone in the back yell out, "Stop taking drugs." 

I took deep breaths to calm myself. I sat with my back straight poised and ready to move quickly. Then it happened again. He roared again this time kicking out. I thought I was prepared. I was clearly not because I jumped again. Thankfully my stop was announced and i exited the streetcar with a prayer of thankfulness on my lips.

photo found at https://www.redvana.com/lion-roar-2 

6 MOON OUTSIDE MY DOOR

Everyday I make a point to look up.

To see the moon, to see the stars.

Some days although they are there, 

they are not readily visible.

Other days they shout there presence, 

by showing their luminescent excellence.

Each time I am graced with there presence,

I say, Thank you for their continued luminescence,

A grey day that was not so grey

12 HARMONY IN DIVERSITY

If a multitude of color fabrics woven together to form one cohesive unified bolt of fabric reflecting all its brillant hues why make such a big deal about Melanin?

Beyond the melanin that defines the outer appearance we are all homo-sapiens. People of "color" are no less human due to darker skin tones.

They live.

They Breathe.

They Bleed.

They Love.

They Hurt.

They Desire.

The diversity of woven fabrics didnt stop being fabric, its colors were simply unified toward a common goal.

See beyond skin color. See the Human Being

See Me. See my humanity.

D.S.B.S.Rhapsody aka Rhapsodyphoenix

Photo of a graffitti in Toronto, photographed by me D.S.B.S.Rhapsody

8 Let not your heart be consumed by troubles

There is beauty even when times are cloudy and dark . Trouble does not erase ones beauty nor does it dim your light though it may feel that way. You magnificence will triumph even as the murkiness of trials threaten to consume. 

Just remember the presence of tribulation does not mean the absence of beauty and light, they coexists as the sun, the moon and the stars share the sky. 

Let not your heart and light be consumed by your challenges rather let them be a reminder that betters days are always ahead. Choose to be happy in spite of it all.

I took these photos standing in the same place from different angles, East, West, North, South each tell a different story about the climate of the evening, each equally true. It is about perspective. Sometimes you got to look at life from a different angle while standing in the same position.

D.S.B.S. Rhapsody Phoenix © all rights reserved.

12 FAT & FIT–PLUS SIZE WOMAN SMASHING FITNESS STEREOTYPE

Emma Haslam plus size pole dancer enthusiast from Derby England smashing fitness stereotype on Britain’s Got Talent by showing through her routine that consist of her swinging her plus size around the pole and hanging upside down held up only by her legs that she is not limited by her size.

Seeing her do her thing made me want to slam the mic down on the ground and yell, “BAM, Challenge!” even though I don’t have a damn mic. I watched the whole routine in opened mouth awe realizing a startling truth. We all in some ways internalized the negative stereotypes of plus size people and limit them in our own minds assigning them tasks they can and cannot do.

Isn’t it interesting that “we” all in some way resist stereotypes that categorize us into neat little boxes limiting our potential and yet we apply those same methods to fat (plus size) people without their consent and then are overly critical and vexed when they smash right through them?

16 TRUTH

Don't ask if you cannot handle the truth.

Often times we say we want the truth but are unprepared and ill equipped to deal with the consequences of truth revealed.

Unless you are really willing to truly listen and hear the truth as it stands, not as would like it to be, framed specifically to seat you comfortably but as it IS, raw, unencumbered by pretty words sugar coated to spear your feelings, do not ask for honesty.

Truth is truth, no matter how you flip it, or script it, it is unchanging.

If you ask for the truth, be prepared to deal with the reality knowing brings.

D.S.B.S.Rhapsody©All rights reserved.

28 Plain Talk Bad Manners–Telling It Like It Is

“Plain talk, bad manners”

Just saying…

If I thought you, liking me, would cost me something or bring some meaning to my life rather than toxic criticisms, I might, actually give a damn about what you have to say to me and about me. Since neither holds true, excuse me while I bend over so you can kiss my ass.

“Plain talk, bad manners”

 

The reality…

I'd care If, I thought you were worthy

“Plain talk, bad manners”

 

My point…

Do not invest too much time, energy, emotion or focus on people that never have anything good to say or positive to contribute.

“Plain talk, bad manners”

 

Understand that…

Your time is valuable, expend it wisely.

“Plain talk, bad manners”

Stay blessed

“Plain talk bad manners” is a saying on the Island of Trinidad & Tobago, it is used to explain someone speaking the unvarnished truth without coot, discretion or fanfare.

26 Happiness-Simplistic Key: Truth, Knowing, Understanding & Trusting Self

Be mindful of those that always have an opinion of who they think you should be, could be, what you should look like, act like, think like. Know who you are or be forever be cast adrift by the unsolicited opinions and advice of those who know not who you truly are but seek to cast you asunder from those that truly have your back. Careful not to sell your head and give your power away to those with malice intent whose intention is to isolate you so you look only unto them for solace and succour.

By all means be open to learning, listening, growing, transforming however do not dishonor yourself by negating your spirit and  completely dismiss your instincts.

Written by D.S.B.Rhapsody

42 Manners-Please, cover yuh damn mouth

Observation, pet peeves, grievances, I haven’t written anything on these subject matters in a while. Why because I was trying to be all Zen, stay all philosophical, on the righteous path sailing blissfully on a positive vibe. You get my drift however my mood has been altered slightly by a trend I’ve been subjected to-people yawning in your face without putting their hands over their mouths. I encounter this daily in my commute to and from work, on the trains, in the buses and in the streetcars and this last Friday was no exception. Thus, I am annoyed. Hence, I got to keep it real and let loose of the negative energy infiltrating my system in the form of annoyance. This shit is just bugging my ass and frankly I got to vent or else I will tell somebody off and more than likely it will not be pretty, delicate or quiet.

Tell me, what is so hard about raising your hand and covering your mouth when you are yawning? hmmmm? What is so hard about that? Can somebody tell me? huh? I mean....For the Love of all that is Divine & Holy! Why can’t/won’t people cover their damn mouths when they yawn! I do not care if they use a foot, a hand, a bag, somebody else’s hand, turn their face to the wall, in a book, whatever, just cover your damn mouths.

Now don't get me wrong, I understand it’s a free world and I can certainly appreciate that people can and will do, what they want, when they want, how they want, but for pete's sakes don't forcibly subject me to it. I don’t care to see inside anyone’s mouth. Frankly I have no bloody desire to see down their blasted throats! Neither do I wait with bated breath to see their nasty-ass black, red blistered, white patched tongues, jacked up teeth with a million black fillings and teeth so yellow and caked with plague that it rivals cheddar cheese!

It does not make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside by the sight of the endless array of fillings looking like black lava holes in your faces.

Neither do I desire to see your tonsils, or tongues, that either heavily spotted with black spots, seriously coated with some heavy white overlaid of whatever.

And I most definitely have no earthly wish to smell funky toxic breath that not only threatens to singe the hair off my face, but also to droop my eyes lashes and blister my eyes making them burn till they water

I am not a physician, ENT specialist or a Dentist! So please people spare me! and ...Please! Please! Please! For mercy's sake, put cover your mouths when you yawn!

What’s your pet peeve?

42 ENCOURAGEMENT

You are from God and have overcome them, for he who is in you is greater than he who is in the world. –^{1 John 4:4 (in part)}

 

Sometimes life can feel like a kick in the teeth when the ones you love and consider get so caught up in their own thing that you don’t seem to register on their radar.

 

When friends fail you,

Family refuse to support you,

Your children abandon you or are hateful towards you,

Your lover/spouse don’t see you beyond their own needs,

Do not be discouraged.

Do not give up.

Do not give in to despair.

Do not let their behaviour determine your worth.

Do not allow your sense of SELF to be diminished by their absence .

This too shall pass

Although it may not feel like it…

You are not alone.

Keep your head up,

Ride out the wave,

And rise!

You’re not alone.

You are enough.

Art by Frank Morrison called "MERCY"

D.S.B.S.Rhapsody©All Rights Reserved.

22 REBIRTH

Dreams

Slaughtered,

Mildewed by affliction,

Soured by pain,

Caged by oppression,

Anaesthetized the passion once burned fury.

Defeated,

Hope lay slain.

Blissfully unaware …

Of the transformational renewing,

The unfamiliar unimagined ignition,

Of dreams,

As it emerges,

Triumphant and frighteningly hot,

Fuelling passions once thought extinct.

Written  2008 by D.S.B.Rhapsody/Rhapsody Phoenix © All Rights Reserved

17 Angels Walks Among Us–A Mighty Man In A Mortal Body

He, Tong Phuoc Phuc has turned his home into an orphanage taking in babies unwanted for one reason or another, he asks for no money. He cares for 50 of and has given them all his name. He is a father of 50.

Tong Phuoc Phuc also collects the unborn foetuses and sacredly buries them by digging deep into the ground and then cover with cement (to prevent smell) then cover with sand and put a flower. he has created a cemetery for the foetuses, so far he has buried 9,000. He picks up foetuses found on the roadside, or left by houses and buries them. Phuc believes that each foetus is a spirit and should be honoured.

 

He ran out of room and tried to purchase more land however he was refused and is no longer permitted (by the government) to bury the foetuses so he now  cremates them and keep them in urns at a church, a temporary space. Each tiny urn is given a name as they were not named. Prayer ceremonies are conducted for the foetuses.

 

As I watched this documentary on BBS World about Tong Phuoc Phuc on August 28, 2011 I was moved by this man capacity to love and not only feel it but to put it into action, word and deed. I searched for a while but was not able to find it on BBC World however I did manage to find other links to the story including the video, so I share with you.

 

Tong Phuoc Phuc is father of 50, only two are his biological children.

I also found a blog Vietnam Orphan Project that tells part of the story part of the story of how Tong Phuoc Phuc journey of taking in rejected babies began in the event you are not able to view the video.

 

In a world where so much selfishness and carnage exists and seem to be normalized desensitizing many it is heart-warming and rejuvenating to the spirit to know that angels walk among us.

29 I CHOSE ME

Let’s meet and talk

We met,

We talked,

You talked,

I listened,

Paid attention

To the reciprocal conversation

I learnt,

You’re married…

With children

And I understood.

You’re skulking away to see me

The respect falls away

Discarded like rotting meat

Putrid …

As you sing the old standard

We are together but not “together”

We live together like “friends”

"She"

(who has no name, no face)

“She” doesn't understand me

The more you talked

The less I listened

Distanced although am there

Already I mentally disappeared

Not about to be co-opted into an affair

I am worth too much to care

To hear…

As you declared

I want to see you again

As you questioned…

When will I see you again?

I smiled

Walking away

Knowing I will never see you again

I am my priority

Worthy of more than half measures

And blessed with the good sense

To …

Know it

Feel it

Understand it

And embrace it unapologetically

I smile knowing

I chose me

 

D.S.B Rhapsody © 2008/2009/2010/2011 

26 A Delightful Encounter

I was travelling on the train to work one morning when I encountered Paulette an opera singer. I sneezed and was searching fiercely for a tissue. I was about to give up when I remembered another compartment in my purse that may have one. I looked and hit pay dirt; it was a large napkin, since it was the only one I had I tore it in two and put the other half back in my purse. She (Paulette) looked at me and said. “Smart, I forgot mine at home, are you getting a cold?” I answered no it just allergies. The conversation continued:

Paulette: Do you take medication for your allergies?

Me: Usually I do however this time after speaking with the pharmacists I decided to forgo the regular medication and use the recommended sterile Saline Nasal Mist and Opticrom-a sterile anti-allergic eye solution. Its working very well and I have the added benefit of bypassing the endless drowsiness.

Paulette: really, oh I am so glad that I met you then, I too suffer with allergies and sinuses and it is a killer for me right now because I am a singer.

Me: hmmmmm…..really, what kind of singer are you?

Paulette: I am a opera singer, have double vocal cords, one of a few in the world.

I had no idea that people could have double vocal chords in any event she ended up singing for me on the train and giving me a mini vocal lesson on techniques, range, verses the natural gift. She used Celine Dion & Whitney Houston as her examples of Talent verses Gift (the ability to exceed excellence). While she was impressed with Celine and how successful she has managed to become she did not consider her a natural gift and critiqued her lack of precision in some of her notes and pronunciations etc. Whitney Houston on the other hand according to Paulette has the “gift”, range, talent, technique and vocal ability to surpass even what she has done before.

It was quite interesting listening to her, some of the terminologies she used went completely over my head as I am not knowledgeable about the vocabulary intricacies used to classified the varying areas of singing but I was delighted with the songs she sang for me turned down 90 decibels according to her or the people in the train may have been covering their ears, as it was they were already staring but I didn’t care. I was enjoying her company. We exchanged numbers promising to keep in touch and said our goodbyes as she departed before me going to her practice in preparation for her upcoming concerts. Even if nothing comes of it, I enjoyed meeting her and the small concert/lesson on opera.

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