34 Things People Should Consider - 22TKY3YKUWPQ

LADIES

When you are wearing your batti-floss (thongs) with your micro minis, please consider the person that maybe standing behind you on the escalator and remember you cannot bend over, you have to stoop lady like to keep your assets (backside) from being on display. Mercy, that is a little too much show and tell and it isn’t pretty if it dirty as hell.

The purpose of a bra is to LIFT & SEPERATE, not droop and slap down, its time for a new bra, preferable one that fits and lifts those bad boys up while separating them so they are not smooched together like potato in a pillow sack. Breast going competition with your belly top and caressing your navel is not attractive.

FELLAS (Men)

• Clip your nose hair, ears hair and the excessive hair hanging out your t-shirt like a wild bush on the prairie. Now looking up at a man and seeing his nose hair hallowing at yah is not a comforting experience, nor is looking at the hair hanging out his ears like the burning bush with little wax intertwined. Now the chest hair ok, i get it, you don’t have to shave it but trim it, tame it a little. I am not talking to the typical hairy chest man here, i am talking about the one with the chest hair so long it make his shirt look puffy like he got padding and it sticks out by the neck and it so long you can braid it.
• Smelling like a pack of cigarettes and coughing up a lung while you greeting hello is not charming. Now if you must smoke invest in some breath spray, some clothes deodorizer, something to take the smoke stench away

PEOPLE...

• Cover your mouth when you are yawning, i have no desire to see down your throat; i am neither your dentist nor your family physician. Now i know some of you are saying, well don’t look, now while you maybe right and have a point it is decidedly difficult to do so in a packed train/bus and there is little or no wiggle room. Besides it wont kill you to cover your mouth, I mean what’s your excuse? The only exceptions are hippopotamuses and I rarely encounter those on my journey to and from.
• Cover your nose and mouth when you sneeze please, snot is not en vogue (in fashion) and if it were i would much prefer to wear my own and i much rather take my showers in the privacy of my home, germs i can do without and viruses you can keep. It would be helpful if you walk with tissue, napkin, paper towels, towelette or any other piece of absorbent rag to catch your DNA residue.

I guess you all figured out by now that I don’t own a car so i am subject to all sorts of experiences using public transportation. While most of the somewhat unexpected experiences are amusing and mildly irritating there are some that are downright grotesques and just this side of too much to take. I mean going on the train and having it smell like ass is just a hurling experience and I often stand there trying not to breathe too deeply waiting in anticipation for the train to stop so i can quickly dash and to hop onto another car in hopes that this one has a more pleasant odour and i can breathe through my nose safely. Some days it takes doing that 2 or 3 times b4 victory can be claimed.

THERE ARE A FEW THINGS I HAVE LEARNT WHILE USING PUBLIC TRANSIT:

1. Never sit without first looking on the seat
2. Take the first available seat because it is not your living room and looking around for the best seat will mean not getting any and standing your entire journey.
3. If the person you sitting by suddenly starts shouting random profanities and talking furiously with arms flaring, get up and as casually as possible make your way to the opposite side of the train, or bus, if train preferable change cars. If its an emergency situation call 911 from cell phone at a safe distance.
4. Don’t expect all public transit workers to be nice, announce your stop, answer you or look at you, it is an assumption that can cost you dearly
5. Don’t just put your bag anywhere; sometimes you may encounter unlikely things (discovered a syringe once, empty condom etc.)
6. You can ask the person with there bag taking up a perfectly good seat to please move it so you can sit because you can bet they did not pay and extra fare for the bag.
7. You can ask other travellers who are lying down or have their feet stretched out on other seats to please sit up since they are not home and the chairs are not lazy boys
8. Always walk with air plugs to tune out people with very loud music that you can hear every syllable the singer is singing or screaming depending on the music
9. All and all it makes for unique experiences and good story telling. If you have any experiences using public transportation please share it with me, after all communication is the key that unlocks the door to the world.

Peace.....Out

22TKY3YKUWPQ

19 Spanked & Arrested By The Funk

Body Odour, Lord have mercy, it ain’t easy to bear witness, be subjected to or share the same breathing space with people who have offensive body odour, rrrrrrrr…

i am ka-plunked, baffled and kafluffled by some people’s inability to smell their selves? i mean its safe to say they can not tell the difference because who voluntarily walk around smelling like a septic tank. I mean there is a huge difference between a clean body and a dirty one yet many for whatever reasons are unable to extinguish and detect the differences in their bodies odour. Usually i am a quiet traveller, i sit, read, observe, draw, listen to music,  do pretty much whatever floats my boat or if i am really tired take a cat nap on the train on my way to work or home. However this one particular morning i would break from the traditional mundane ritual to confront a man standing beside me on the train.

The first thing i did when the smell hit my nose is to check myself, not that it was me but just to be cautious, so girlfriend is strategically smelling places just to make sure. Then I turned to the left…no smell and i turned to the right…no smell, feeling assured that it was just one of those fluke scents that passes. So I turned my head straight facing forward and the funk bitch slapped me so hard I thought I would get whiplash, my eyes watered. People I tried, I really, really tried to sit there in lady like dignity and bury my head in my shirt inhaling my Nicole Miller perfume…a happy alternative that is until the stench started to permeate my shirt and I get vex, damn vex. I mean this is first thing in the morning! I looked up at the man, he was young, didn’t appear to be suffering from mental health issues, didn’t appear to be homeless and though I thought to myself, ‘you know, nobody armpits in God’s green earth should smell like that unless they decomposing.’

I took a breath as deep as I possible could without strangling myself and I asked the man gently,  “sir can you move over a little please you are a little too much in my space and I am a little claustrophobic”. He just looked at me as if to say fuck off lady, up yours; aware that I was beginning to feel a little nauseous I asked again just to be polite but he did not acknowledge me, heck he completely ignored me. Finally I couldn’t take it any more I felt like I was about to gag and I abandoned all coot. and shouted “Dammit man move, your armpit stink, Jesus don’t you bath, 7 am in the morning and you smelling like ass”. The man was so embarrassed he just left the train instantly as it opened. Now I know some of you are saying I was bad or impolite, but geez what’s a girl to do, damn, I was about to pass out and it was either him or me.

11 Sunset Through My Pigeon Netting

Stop Feeding The Pigeon Trilogy [PART1] [PART2] [PART3].

Standing on the balcony this evening at 8:30 pm. I took a few picture of the sunset through the pigeon netting Its not hard to see the square grids of the netting.

In case you were wondering there is pigeon shit on the ground, I had to play dough the shit, “here ah shit, skip, there ah shit, skip, everywhere ah shit shit.” skip, skip. *Sigh*…enjoy being pigeon-less regardless.

24 Stop Feeding The Pigeon–Part 3

The Final Outcome [PART1] [PART2]

I have been relaxed with a Cheshire cat smile plastered on my face. ‘I won the war’ I thought, albeit a bit battered and bruised, still I won the battle. I waited knowing it was only a matter of time before the winged pests swooped in cooing and attempt to walk across my balcony as is their custom in either the eastern or western directions to their nests as is their habit stealthy ignoring my frantic shoos, and shouts (go away!, get out!) as they made their way happily to their nested destination engrossed in deep pigeon conversation. I waited poised in anticipation. A few other birds swooped by and veered off at the last moment when they realized there is netting.

The Confrontation:

It took a few minutes but sure enough the winged vagabonds flew in attempting to do a swoop landing so they could walk across to either side of my balcony (my neighbours to the left and right of me) but was brought up short by the netting. I could see them. They both held precariously to the netting fighting to stay steady cooing to each other as if to say ‘What the hell is this shit’. ‘Oh no she didn’t’ they seem to say looking at each other. As I stood observing they tilted their heads this way and that looking at each other and making sounds as if to figure out just how they can accomplish getting from point A to point B. I stepped out the door unto the balcony and joined the conversation saying, ‘I am sorry you will have to find another means of getting from here to there, my balcony ledge is no longer your thoroughfare.’ They looked at me and cooed as if to say ‘Up yours lady’ and being the generous spirit that I am, I smiled and stepped closer saying, ‘you’re welcome’ as they flew away. I cannot tell you what a relief it is. No more sticks, nests, incessant flutter, flutter, flutter, coo, coo, coo. It was money well spent even if it blew my budget. Just one of life’s unexpected demands that one occasionally must rise and attend to.

I Celebrate Anyway:

As for the shit, well one would say that the pigeons won the war, while I they can no longer land, nest, conversate on my balcony they do leave the nasty black and white soupy gift when they zoom up an fly up to the neighbour above me and perch there. *sigh* “you can’t win for losing.” At least I don’t have to content with eggs, nests, and baby pigeons? *Sigh* ‘sometimes the battles won in life are few and far between, as far as victory goes I’ll take it. I believe that we must take our victories were we can and keep moving on regardless and in spite of whatever challenges are endeavour to cross our path.

17 Stop Feeding The Pigeons–Part 2

The saga continues (part1).  Well I’ve investigated, I’ve  had the bird netting installed , it cost me $200.00 with taxes ($213.00). The contractors were fast and efficient,  I am relieved from the jumping up and down screaming and shouting, ‘GO AWAY! GO AWAY! ‘ while waving frantically and banging like a bloody mad woman on the glass sliding doors. It was a bit too much for even for me, heaven's i was starting to annoy myself. I mean sometimes I wanted to literally turn and slap myself and say...shut up!

As for my arm, the long scratches are healing but not without leaving long railroad like marks, hopefully that will fade in time. The elbow hurts like hell though and I am experiencing more pain now than when I originally took the graceless swan dive into the concrete. The only way I seem to get any relief is when I crack it (probably not a good idea but i do it anyway). My wrist for the most part is ok it hurts just a bit and the pain in the derriere well that too is fading, somewhat.

I'll am officially pigeon free, at least of their bodies and nesting as for the poop hmmmmm, the jury’s still out on that one, well unless my neighbour above me gets proactive and take some precautionary measures I will have to content with the periodic poop splatter....have mercy!!! What a compromise eh! I’ll keep you posted.

35 Stop Feeding The Pigeons!–Part 1

I wish people would not feed the pigeons. There seem to be a belief (by the perpetrators) that feeding pigeons is a good thing; it is not! In fact nothing could be further from the truth. Please do not misunderstand me. I do not hate animals, in fact I admire them. I grew up with them all around me and I don’t think anyone should be allowed to deliberately harm them however my admiration for animals is from a distance.

While I think cats are cute, birds are fun to look at and dogs are adorable I don’t want them in my bed, in my house or sharing the same space with me. Now this can be attributed to a number of things one being culture and the way “we” dealt with pets. First they had their own space, to be more accurate they had their own houses which we built for them that was cleaned daily, they were well fed and loved, we played with them, they also had their own dishes which was also cleaned and maintained daily.

My paternal grandmother had about six dogs, two cats if memory serves and chickens while at my maternal grandfather’s he had lots of chickens-hens, rosters etc and my uncle had a dog, a monkey and a parrot. We played with them, walked them but when it was time to retire for the night they all went to their houses as we did ours. Dogs to their dog house, cats to their house, birds to their place wherever that maybe (for those who had them as pets-in cages), chickens to the trees. Yes I did say trees, that is where they slept up in the tree, for us it was the lime tree. Not to mention the myriad of iguanas, cameliyans, house lizards, snails, snakes, bull frogs-nasty suckers and a host of others that were the natural part of our habitat. So this thing about having animals, birds, cats, dogs sleeping in one’s bed and eating out of one’s plate is a bit grotesque to me.  The idea of animal slobber mixed in with my food is not a comforting one, frankly it is off putting.

My aversion is further exacerbated by the constant irritation of pigeons invading my space-my balcony. I have not been able to enjoy my balcony for the past four years. This is due in part to people who feed the blasted pigeons so they no longer leave. I mean, why would they, its free food so instead of hunting and doing what comes naturally they hang around becoming the urban feathered bums, the willing vagrants and scavengers. They are a pest, I have to be constantly cleaning not to mention shooing like a mad woman when I am sitting in my living room attempting to enjoy a movie or the company of friends. Imagine sitting having a civil conversation and then you hear an outburst of (me of course)‘shoooo! Go away!, move!…oh sorry, pigeon (me apologizing for my random outburst)’.

There’s always pigeon shit everywhere, I clean today and tomorrow without fail there is shit again, the black and white stinkers. I mean who wants to play dodge the pigeon shit every time you want to go out on the balcony…hmmmm? A little shit here, a little shit there, here a shit, there a shit, everywhere a shit shit. Damn, anyone with a lick a sense knows that pigeon filth is filled with uric acid and highly corrosive with bacteria, fungal agents and ectoparasites that are responsible for diseases like encephalitis, salmonella, meningitis, just to name a few.

This cleaning pigeon shit really pisses me off and yesterday was no exception. I was cleaning because things were a bit messy from all the show and storms. I picked up an empty (what I thought was empty) green garbage bin and to my surprise pigeons came flying out. Imagine my shock, the garbage bin went flying one way and I the other. It happened so fast I didn’t know I was falling till i was falling and my left arm, elbow and hand scrapped against the concrete wall beside the sliding glass door and I landed with a thud twisting my wrist and slamming my derriere (butt) . The fall knocked the wind out of me. I couldn’t move for a bit. I called my daughter for help but of course she could not hear me over her music blasting in her room. I sat for a bit till I could figured out a way to get up since my hands were hurting especially my left. I couldn’t move the wrist for a while. I finally manage to drag my pitiful ass off the concrete floor and went inside, thankful that I was on the side closer to my living room than the seven foot drop on the other side. I simply sat to collect myself and massage my hand, it was bruised.

Now in addition to having some lovely red welts down my whole arm and being very very soar and hurting, I have to look into possibility of investing hundreds to get rid of the pigeons by purchasing either Plastic Bird Spikes – Stainless Bird Spikes – Gutter Spike – Bird Spider – Bird Slope – Solar Bird Repeller – Bird Netting – BirdBGone Diverter – Bird Chase Ultrasonic – Bird Chase Sonic – Goose Sonic – Goose Repellent – Coyote Decoys – Bird Gel – Spray Repellant – Scarecrow – Mini ScareCrow or Bird Motels Traps if I want to my balcony.

That is so messed up, I got to cage myself to enjoy myself. I mean damn what other alternative is there? When I am at home my time is taken up shooing pigeons off the balcony and during the time I am not at home I know they are having a ball because I can see sticks and little branches where they were preparing to nest down in my absence. Hey if they were helping me pay my rent, go halves on the grocery, cable and utility bills perhaps then I may consider them taking up residence on my balcony but that's not likely to happen and it’s no fun playing jump the poop when I want to go out on the balcony to take in the sun and breeze and just relax. And sitting among shit is not a solution either.

So if you ever get the urge to feed the birds, i.e. pigeons, please don’t! There are consequences to doing so, you may not see it but there is. Damn my whole hand hurts…blasted pigeons! Stop feeding the pigeons people! You know who you are..stop it! Stop it now!

13 3 Sheets to the Wind & Flying Stupid

Have you noticed that fun has become a six letter word for STUPID? I often hear people talking about going to clubs and having a blast, yet they cannot recall a single moment of  this   “supposed”  FUN pass the fifth beer or any other alcoholic beverage. i.e. “fun” it seems is the key term for getting drunk, plastered beyond cognition.  Interesting isn’t it?

What I want to know is since when did being 3 sheets to the wind (drunk beyond memory) and flying stupid (impaired judgment), boasting about a killer hangover fun? Whatever happened to going out with good friends enjoying each other’s company, sharing outrageous experiences, laughing till tears run down your cheeks and your stomach hurts so much from laughing so hard you could hardly stand up straight and when you part ways you are left with a silly smile fixed on your face from the delightfully hilarious evening/night? Since when does FUN equate drinking beyond thought? I have had my fair share of encounters with drunks and let me tell you it was not pretty nor was it fun. In fact FUN is the last descriptive I’d use to designate the experience, ugly would be more apt.

Some people under the influence of alcohol presume they are the life of the party when in fact they are just plain sad, pitiful and plain out of control as their carriage, behaviour and actions all paint them in a very unfavourable light and that's putting it nicely.  In a word, ugly.

One such ugly incident occurred years ago on a Sunday afternoon. I was standing in the line of a McDonalds waiting to purchase a couple of ice cream cones for my daughters when this drunken man in his late thirties of aboriginal decent with scraggly unkempt hair that hung helter skelter on his head who with enough sense God gave peanuts made an nuisance of himself harassing people. I stood there  and prayed silently, ‘Lord please don’t let this man approach me and our girls, I am in no mood, please let him not see us, please Father Jesus I do not want to lose my cool.’ Of course life being what it is and God ever the teacher in teachable moments, the man decided to turn his attention on me. “Hey lady,” he slurred, “I like yuh,” he half laughed and half snickered,  “hehehe” as he drooled and slobbered on himself. I looked at him said hi and asked him politely to leave me alone. I guess that was the wrong approach because he launched at me and I just had to get very serious very fast. I side stepped his attempt to touch me, got in his face and screamed very loudly “BACK OFF!!!” He cowered in fright and appeared to sober up instantly, lol, lol, if I wasn’t so angry I would have bust out laughing from his terrified expression. I frightened my kids too because they have never seen that side of me. Needless to say, mister am so drunk I suck my own slobber sleeked away quietly like a thief in the night.

At least for my children it was a good source of amusement for them. They laughed for days and had constant re-enactments of the scene which would result in another fit of laughter. It just annoys the bejesus out of me when people allow themselves to become so inebriated that they are not only a danger to themselves but to others as well. I mean damn, why can't people hold their liquor or not drink at all why do they have to subject their inebriated self unto others, can somebody answer that for me?

While people have the right to do to themselves whatever they like in their own self-governance without any input from me or the rests of the world however the buck stops short their lack of self-control/governance  intrudes, impacts, affect and threatens to alter my life along paths I have no desire it being it then I have a say, know what I mean?

*sigh…….

15 BAD BREATH

What's my peeve you ask? BAD BREATH!

People please, please, please, in the name of all that is Holy, please brush your damn teeth! Mercy! it only takes, what, 2 minutes?

Incident 1: Face Full of Stink

Do you know how irritating it is to walk up to a sales person in a department store and ask for assistance and get a face full of stink air so bad it paralyzes you until you get amnesia? Its an effective brain eraser because it wiped my memory clean, i forgot why i was there, the only thing that was on my mind was run. I mean you ever pray for a stuffed nose? Well i was praying for a stuffed nose that day.

Incident 2: Be careful what you wish for…

You all know the adage…be careful what you wish for you just might get it? Well i had my day. I was on my way to an interview sitting on the bus when it stopped to pick up passengers. In steps this fine looking man….oooh Mercy! ladies you know the type am talking about, the kind that make you want to stand up and howl at the moon. So i am sitting in my seat checking him out and concentrating, doing my ESP thing…lol, lol, you know the mantra "come sit by me", "come sit by me", "come sit by me", "come sit by me", and lo and behold, mister oh so fine came and sat by me. So now am playing it cool and looking for a way to start up a conversation when he beat me to the punch and started talking and i made the mistake of turning to face him. OOOOh Mercy! Can somebody say Tic Tac, Tic Tac. Jeez-u-mother-murphy, my eyes started to water, my face start to twitch on its own and i had to look away. Of course i do it as stylishly as possible so i played it off like i was looking to see where i was going, and strategically stuck my head near the window for a mouth full of fresh air. Now i am in a dilemma, of my own making i might add. This guy was just a regular chatterbox and i was just dying in the corner, yes people i was in the corner seat, no graceful exit. Finally, i could not make it anymore and I rang the bell, ask to be excused, said goodbye, and practically ran to the exit. I got off three stops before my schedule stop and walked the rest of the way. Anything to get away….eeewww…damn!

Incident 3 – Cheese Teeth…

Strolling through the mall one day i was hungry and decided to take a detour to the food court. There i perused all the competing eateries and the competitive prices to make my decision. While considering my options my eye landed on someone, i thought familiar. I stopped and looked and i was right, a familiar face. It was this guy i worked with years ago at Mc Donalds, yes people Mc Donalds, what can i say, survival will dictate that you do what is necessary. Anyway as i was saying, i went over and said hi and tried to catch up on what he been doing over the years kind of thing, and then he smiled, teeth yellow like cheese and build up stacked like bricks. I didn’t have to get closer to smell his breath because the memory quickly came back to me. I mean when this guy laughs some of the build up moves with it and the gums are red, i just had to wrap up the conversation quickly suddenly i had an appointment to run to. Yuck and he is cooking people’s food. Well, needless to say i didn't eat there.