0 FRIENDSHIP?

Browsing through YouTube and watching random videos I clicked on one of Wendy's (The Wendy Williams Show). I don't remember the exact topic in which she shared a philosophy on friendship but what she said gave me pause.

"A friend is an enemy waiting to bubble up and say the wrong thing or do the wrong thing, so watch your friends and watch what you say to them." ----Wendy Williams

Apart from the revealed trust issues coated in that perspective. I have to say it was a bit of food for thought. If I had heard this particular philosophy on friendship 2 weeks ago I would have vehemently disagreed. I would have climbed on my soap box and articulated to whomever would listen the 'where for art thou' on the finer points on how wrong that philosophical piece of tribble was. Yes I would have called it tribble because that is how strong I'd advocate my view point. Today though, not so much. Don't get me wrong. I am not saying I agree 100%. I am saying there is some validity in her ethos.

A GLIMPSE OF MY EXPERIENCE:

I spent some time cultivating a relationship base on what I believed was respect, honesty, transparency and integrity. No games, no agendas and no half truths. I say I believe' because I am only speaking for myself, I cannot assume thought for anyone else but me. As far I was concerned it was a solid foundation and based in truth. Am I declaring perfection here, hell no. I am not because this human is as flawed and as imperfect as they come. What I did do was to be intentional when I spoke, to ensure I am always respectful and honoring and to be mindful of my limits while holding myself accountable. I am not affaid to own my shit and fuck ups even when it makes me uncomfortable. I am sorry is not a four letter word for me. But even with all that work and effort, sugar turned to shit in a heart beat with an unfounded accusation. The experience was disheartening. It made me take a step back, an eye opener. It made me realize I invest way too much of myself in others and not enough in myself. I had to relearn the importance of balancing caring for myself with caring for others. Relearning life lessons is a bitch because it almost always comes with heartache and disillusionment.

In relationships there's bound to be disagreements and those can be worked out if the persons involved are invested and chooses to set their collective egos aside and listen without defending and speak without offending. However when one refuses to listen to the other and is more fixed on being right and righteous with accusations, the foundation of that relationship begins to crumble. This was my experience. I was not given the benefit of the doubt, and attempts to understand what happened were dimissed. The lack of faith on their part as it regards to me or whom they believe I am has caused me to question the validity of the relationship and examine my perception of their interaction and integrity with me. What was all that investing and hard work for if it can be carelessly dismissed so callously? So when I heard Wendy saying, " A friend is an enemy waiting to bubble up and say the wrong thing or do the wrong thing, so watch your friends and watch what you say to them." I found myself partially agreeing and cautioning myself going forward because quite simply that is how I felt.

The experience has also reminded me of a Ted Talk I listened to a while ago, I can't remember the speaker, I will have to try and fine it. Anyway she gave a breakdown of integrity. In her breakdown the G in integrity stood for GENEROSITY. She explained that generosity  to her is "assuming the most generous things about my words, intentions and behavior, then check in with me." 

That blew my mind. So simple yet so powerful because when you check in and inquire you find out if your preception of what you heard, is in fact what was said along with the meaning and intent. I have integrated this methodology of "check in" in  my daily living and I find that it has gone a long way in curbing misunderstandings. It allows you to reassess situations and take another approach or no approach.

By D.S.B.S. Rhapsody

4 BEGGING BOLDLY ✿ BEGGAR SNAP BACK

In all my days I would not of thought I'd live to experience a beggar putting me in my place. 

✿

I left work at 6:30. At 6:37. I stopped at a short street to ensure no cars were turning. As I waited I observed a slender Caucasian man late 40s early 50s. He had long cut with bruising from the corner of his left eye ran the length of his nose. At the top of his nose the flesh was thorn off. It looked brutally red and raw. He was talking to a Caucasian couple. Their body language was rigid and conveyed a vexness. The woman held a massive hot dog in her hand her mouth opened wide as she bent over  readied to take a bite when the man said something. She paused mid bite and looked at her companion who gleared at the man. As I cross the street and neared the couple I heard him begging for money his eyes fixed on the hot dog. Though I didn't hear their response the answer was obvious when he turned to me as I passed and ask. 

✿

" Can you give me a dollar so I can get something to eat?

I answered, "I don't have a dollar but I have a banana in my bag. You want the banana?"

The man looked at me as if I suddenly sprouted 3 heads. His face scrunched in utter disgust as he looked at me in scorn and said. "I don't think a banana will full me." 

I looked at him and said, "ok" and kept walking. He followed behind indignant and ask vexed. "Is that how you eat, a banana."

Not missing a beat I looked at him and said, "yep, I eat what I have." He shut up and walked ahead. As he neared the hot dog stand I heard him say to that hot dog stand owner. " Hey man, can you give me something to eat."  

I didn't stop to listen. I kept on my way shaking my head at his bold ass. Even as a beggar he behaved entitled. Had he been wise he would have taken the banana and added it to his eventual meal. He was royally pissed I offered him a banana and ready to pick a fight with me.

2 KEEP THE FAITH

I have discovered through my lived experiences that it is the small victories that help you get through the challenges of being/existing. They help you traverse the muck that inevitable comes with living life. It is the oil that fuels the hope and propels you into keeping the faith. Thus it is wise to stockpile your victories from the ones smaller than mustard seed that may seem insignificant to others to the bulbous.

Life…..

The challenge is more that living…….

It is about giving it meaning, 
It is about ascribing value and knowing that no matter where you stand globally you are an important part of the whole.

Flights of fancy…..

Sometimes I give into flights of fancy, to the Utopian thoughts of traipsing through life experiencing no hurts, no sorrows, no rejection, calculatingly deliberate humiliation or shame. Of not having to navigate people’s biases and oppressive ideas and ideals of who they think I am and who they think I should be. Of being accepted in all my imperfectness and not have to filter through obscured maelstroms of backhanded toxic compliments.

Imagining…..

Can you imagine a world where you are not burdened continuously defending yourself, your character, your integrity for no other reason than the color of your skin?

Can you imagine what it would be like to be seen, seen not as a thing, not as a color rather as a human being and not designated “Other” and still not have that “Otherness” questioned for authenticity?

Can you imagine to not having to explain why you bleed but that you bleed, why you hurt but that you hurt, why you breathe but that you breathe, why you have to march to let others know that your Life matter, why you reject the emotional and psychological entangled affliction of racist PTSD?

See why it’s important to stockpile little victories?

It’s HOPE

0 SUNSETS

Blessings, have a wonder filled week

1 SHARING SUNSETS 2