Jan 14, 2020


Everyone do things different, have different attitudes about certain things. Yet knowing all of this does little censor ones thoughts.

On the bus I encountered an acquaintance I hadn't seen in a while, give or take a couple of years.
Interestingly enough she lives approximately 3.5 blocks for my house. In the past we saw each other often on our way to work, that's pretty much how we met and we'd often ride the train together.  I congratulated her on the obvious bump (twins) as she caught me up on her life. We transferred to the train and continued talking when a mother and her son (toddler) came in. I briefly halted our conversion to get up and offer her a seat for her and her son. She said "thank you" and encouraged the little one to say thank you. He was busy focusing on getting up on the seat and then turning his bum around (I smiled). Once seated he looked at me and grunted through his pacifier filled mouth. At some point through all his antics his pacifier fell out his mouth and landed between my feet. My friend noticed and told me to not move. I stood still and allowed the mother to retrieve it. The boy made a sound with his hands outstretched for it. I held my breath thinking, 'she can't give him that, too much nastiness and mud on the ground. Unbelievably she just gave it back to him. He promptly slammed it back in his month and began sucking on it. I looked at my friend face passively set, she looked back at me with the same passive facial expression. We both said nothing yet we both said everything. My mind was reeling. The train floor was dirty with boot marks and brown dirt droppings. I looked at my friend, she looked at me and we continued our conversation as if it we never witnessed the disgusting cringe worthy act.

As I made my way to the entrance of my job I noticed on my peripheral a man on one knee, his right hand was out stretched with a lit cigarette. He brought it to his lips and took a long slow drag as if in prayerful supplication. As he inhaled he bowed his head slightly and then raised it on the exhale. He repeated the motion three times. As I pressed and waited for the elevator I further observed him through the glass wall. His head was bent low and he took another drag in aching slow motion. He then raised his head, exhaled and braced both hands on the wall in front of him. He put out the rest of the cigarette and got up painfully. He wobbled a bit as he steadied himself with his ass in the air and two hands braced on the ground in front of him like a toddler.  He finally stood, straightened his back, threw his shoulder back and exhaled. 'Alright then, I thought as I boarded the elevator as it dinged open.

silhouettes used found on google.

Jan 4, 2020


I was reminded last night of a saying "When people show you who they are, believe it."

My take away from that lesson is, do not waste time and energy in shock, disillusionment and disbelief. Do not wallow in hurt and sadness rather believe what you are hearing, seeing and experiencing from the demonstrated behaviour, actions and words of revelation exposed then move into acceptance and shift accordingly.

I had a conversation with someone in the interest of transparency for the sake of clarity. I am a big believer in operating in integrity and one of the ways I do so is through transparency -  clear communication to forestall misunderstandings and assumptions. At no time during the one on one  communicative exchange did this person express what they truly felt. At the time it "seemed" a genuine exchange of ideas and a healthy debate. Wow was I wrong and completely off the mark. I was so off Mark I might as well have been on the opposite side of the world in another time zone.  At a committee meeting I listened to him express himself in total contradiction to our talk as he levelled less than flattering remarks and comments.

I leaned back in my chair, looked at him taking it all in then asked, why did you not say this when we spoke? His response was mocked sacarism.  I thought, 'ah, thank you for showing me who you are.' I immediately let go of any shock or hurt at the revelations communicated via words, body language, facial expressions and barely veiled contempt . I accepted what I saw, heard and experienced based on his behaviour. I've learnt long ago that truth cannot be debated, it simply IS.

At the end of the meeting there was a half hearted attempt to excuse the exchange and swallow his true regurgitated thoughts. I simply said, "don't worry about it, I thank you for the lessons. I've learnt a lot. I see you. I understand, goodnight."

While the truth may not always be digestible, for me, it is the best place to start and work from no matter the navigational discomfort.

Dec 19, 2019

6 Fly Superman, splat like bug and Swinging like window shutters

She flew in like superman and landed splat like a bug....

Everyday someone rushes to enter the train while the doors are closing. Today was no different. A young caucasian female in mid to late twenties with with strawberry blonde hair highlighted with bronze and lighter blonde rushed the doors. She flew in the train car with her body turned slightly to the side to accommodate the narrowing doors. She managed to get most of her body in train car but the doors slammed in on her right ankle and she fell splat like a bug under a swatting net. She flip over and using her left leg to push at the door to get her foot out. Passengers standing by the door try to help. Successful she jumped up and answered, "am ok, am ok."

He swung like hanging window shutters flapping in a storm.

I boarded the bus on the last leg of my commute home from work. I sat on the side parallel 3 sitter. The bus was full however there was an empty seat next to me. The elderly South Asian man boarded the bus and elected not to sit. He stood to the front of the seat I occupied and held on to the bar with his right hand. The bus took a few turns and he moved back and fough like a willow tree. I looked at him and thought 'why don't you sit-down you can barely hold yourself up.' Just as I finished the thought the bus took a big turn and the man swung sharply to the right into me like hanging shutters in a wind storm. I quickly moved and he landed on half my seat and half on the opposite side. He righted himself apologizing to me. Again he stood and held on rocking as the bus moved. I sighed and said, "please have a seat." 
"Oh I don't want to sit," he said and almost fell again. I looked at him and said again "please sit down before you fall and hurt yourself." Finally he sat down. He took my hand and thanked me. 

The experience left me with thinking,..
'how many times must a person fall and experience discomfort before they learn from the lessons that the fall and the discomfort is trying to convey? Or as it was in this case will it take another person observing the trauma to say something before the lesson registers? 

Dec 10, 2019

0 Declare Toronto homelessness a state of emergency, advocate group says

Homelessness to be declared a state of emergency in Toronto Ontario Canada.

According to a CBC article....

So far in 2019, 4 Toronto residents have died from homelessness...

Holding R.I.P. signs in honour of Toronto residents who lost their lives to homelessness so far this year, city councillors and other housing advocates called on the city to create an urgent action plan to tackle the issue. 
"We are experiencing a housing crisis and homelessness crisis that requires immediate emergency attention," Click  Read more

To have a home and the ability to afford and maintain it is a blessing. Live in gratitude and humility..
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...