0 WALKING WITH MATTHEW

I opened the door of the bakery to exit when I heard, "excuse me, can you help me get to the 511 bus. I need to get to the hospital."

I looked up and beheld a 6 foot 4" 375 lbs behemoth of a man. His thick strawberry blonde grey highlighted shaggy hair fell slight over one eye and brushed his shoulders as he stood awaiting my response. "Sure, no problem (he held on to my right arm), we will have to use the elevator since the escalator is out of service."

"Ok", he said and we proceeded forward.

We arrived at the elevator, unfortunately it too was out of service. I said to the gentleman, "we will have to take the stairs since the elevator is also out of service. The stairway is to the left about 4 footsteps forward." 

We reached the staircase and before we climbed it together he thanked me again and introduced himself. "My name is Matthew, thank you for helping me, you are so nice."

"No problem Matthew, we all need help at one point or another. I am Rhapsody." 

During our climb he explained that he was going to the hospital and needed the bus. I relayed that the bus is no longer running and were replaced by the Streetcars. He responded surprised and ask if I could guide him directly to the front seating area. As we approached the Streetcar I explained that is the new longer one as the seating arrangements are quite different from the older models. He shared that he has never ridden the newer cars. As we neared I verbally guided him to the front of the Streetcar. We said our goodbyes, he thanked me again and then boarded and sat down.  

I moved down to the second exit/entrance and was ready to sit down when I noticed Matthew was reaching in a searching pattern the sides of the Streetcar walls and realized he was searching for a bell. I approached him and asked, "Matthew are you trying to find the bell?"

"Yes I am, where is it?" He asked.

"There is no bell in this area, Matthew." Just then the driver of the Streetcar was boarding. I directed him to Matthew and Matthew conveyed that he'll need the stop at the hospital. The streetcar driver assured him he will stop and let him know. Matthew relaxed and sat back. I returned to my seat.

0 I AM A WILLOW TREE

Some days you just have to rise up and do the necessary when you are challenged.

i got a call at work from my eldest daughter who was experiencing debilitating back pain. She was in tears. She wanted to wait until i got home to go to emergency. I thought, that won't do when the pain is so acute. She needed medication right away. She could barely move. I had to jump into mom mode. 

• First i told her to get dressed and I will call her back.
• Then I called my sister. I got her voicemail. I left a message for her to call me as she drives.
• Then i called a friend. I kept getting her voicemail. I didn't leave a message. 
• I am an hour and a half ride away by public transits, not going to make it in time to make a difference. so....
• I called my super, yes my super. He picked up and i asked him to please drop my daughter off at the clinic. He said he would. 
• I called back my daughter and let her know the super is coming and he would take her.
• i told her once she sees the doctor and he gives her a prescription have the pharmacist call me and i will pay via credit card. 
• My Super dropped her off, gave her his number and told her to call him and he will come back and pick her up. (Angel I tell yah, angel)
• I got the call from the pharmacist and pulled my credit card to pay and sure enough i hit another challenge. I left the new credit card in my room and still had the expired one in my purse. The pharmacist took no other mode of payment via the phone. I had to think quickly.
• I called my friend this time she picked up. She has her hair salon not far from the clinic. I asked her to please go and pay the pharmacist and i will repay her when i return home. 
• i between all the calls I got a call from my sister. I told her don't worry i got everything coordinated. 
• My friend paid for my daughter's medication and took her home.
• I thank God for the network placed around me that I could facilitate some alternative care for my daughter as i could not be there because I physically too far away. 

6 I WANTED TO SCREAM!!

This morning the second part of my commute was challenging. Honestly on the 3rd stop into my train ride to work. He - young Asian approximately 24/26 years old sat next to me and my equalibrium takes a nose dive. In short it was torturous. He had hard rock music blasting in ear via headphones. I looked at him in hopes it would prompt him to lower the volume, no such luck. I was dying a slow death. My mood took a dip. My ear began to hurt. I lost focused and couldn't concentrate on my book. I began to take slow breaths as my irritation level began to rise along with my temper. I began an interval mantra - breath, in, out, in, out. Every song seem worst and louder than the previous. I shifted my position turning my body toward him and my ears away. The train was fairly full and I had a ways to go.

Heavy metal/hard rock really upsets my equalibrium, I don't know why, it just does. I don't judge who loves it because simply we love what we love. My system however just can't tolerate it. Some may say no big deal I say FUCK it's GINORMOUS  for me and that's no exaggeration!! I had no choice but to keep it together... public transit and all that. As I navigated the slow torture I focused on breathing and grounding myself. I closed the digital book I was reading, turned off my phone and mentally went through a series of deep mantra breathing exercises. Just when I thought I wouldn't make it and may have to get up and weave my way through the crowded car away from the "music" blessedly he got off.

I was so thankful. I could truly breathe again and my system calmed. The rest of my ride was serene. 

MINDFULNESS

I am not sure why some people need to play their music so loudly that it breaches the parimeters of their earphones/headphones designed specifically to keep sound exclusive to become a public irritant and nuisance to others. It would be nice if people exercise some mindfulness and be cognizant of how their choices and actions affect and impact others around them.

4 OBSERVATIONS: SPREAD OUT, WITH FORCE, HE FEELS UP HIMSELF, I LAUGH AT MYSELF.

SPREAD OUT

He sits with his legs spread as wide as the

would go. His body slimmed forward as he listed himself on his phone. His plastic bag sits on another by his right leg and his leg left encroaches on the seat left. There is no room left as the bus loads with passengers. He does not move. The bus is full. I shake my head.

Sometimes the way a person does something reveals a little about them 

WITH FORCE

She exits the bus pushing the stroller. She waits at the stop light to cross the street. She crossed the street back bent pushing forcefully on the stroller for it to move. There's a little hump and she fights with the stroller to navigate the hump. Frustrated she manages successfully to move the stroller over over the hump.She looks down to investigate the matter and realizes... she did not unlock the brakes on the back wheels of the stroller. She laughs with a shout explaining in Spanish to the young woman beside her as she justiculates with her hands. She unlocks the brakes pushing forward easily while laughing. 

Made me smile.

HE FEELS UP HIMSELF

Last stop. The train slows and all passengers vacate their seats and neared the doors ready to exit. A middle aged Chinese man moved forward slightly ahead of me. He places his left hand in his left pocket and proceeded to feel himself. He shakes his left leg, wiggle his bottom squeeze and repeated a few times. I stepped back and sat back down content to wait for everyone to exit first.

Some things you just can't UNSEE!

I LAUGH AT MYSELF

I was on my cellphone with my sister. My oldest daughter sat at the dining table do her thing. As there was a pause in my conversation with my sister I said to my daughter, "I can't find my cellphone." She looked at me quizzically eyebrows up like, 'woman you crazy' and asked, "what are you talking on mom?" I paused looked at the cellphone in my hand and promptly errupted in histerical laughter. My sister came back on the like as asked, "what's so funny?" I told her and she to started laughing.

Sometimes you just have to laugh at yourself

8 OBSERVATION ❍ CHASING THE CRAVING

9:38 am…

He walks briskly toward me holding tightly to his LCBO (Liquor Board of Ontario) brown paper bag. He sits on the concrete column his hands slightly shaking as he opens the bag. He drools on his silver beard wiping it hastily as he pulls out a beer. He pops the top open and put it to his lips drinking aggressively tilting his head back and drinks eagerly. He pauses, sighs audibly and rests one hand on his knee head slightly bowed. He takes a few deep breaths raise his hand holding the beer and drinks deeply again. He sighs.

Reluctant witness i thought sadly...

I don't know what demon you're chasing or what demon is chasing you. I pray you get a handle on it and come into realizing that your are worth more than what's you feel is at the bottom of that bottle.

MINDFULNESS QUESTION…

As human beings we all have places we're vulnerable. We all have vises. The question is, do you have a vise or does your vise have you?