When you are wearing your batti-floss (thongs) with your micro minis, please consider the person that maybe standing behind you on the escalator and remember you cannot bend over, you have to stoop lady like to keep your assets (backside) from being on display. Mercy, that is a little too much show and tell and it isn’t pretty if it dirty as hell.
The purpose of a bra is to LIFT & SEPERATE, not droop and slap down, its time for a new bra, preferable one that fits and lifts those bad boys up while separating them so they are not smooched together like potato in a pillow sack. Breast going competition with your belly top and caressing your navel is not attractive.
- Clip your nose hair, ears hair and the excessive hair hanging out your t-shirt like a wild bush on the prairie. Now looking up at a man and seeing his nose hair hallowing at yah is not a comforting experience, nor is looking at the hair hanging out his ears like the burning bush with little wax intertwined. Now the chest hair ok, i get it, you don’t have to shave it but trim it, tame it a little. I am not talking to the typical hairy chest man here, i am talking about the one with the chest hair so long it make his shirt look puffy like he got padding and it sticks out by the neck and it so long you can braid it.
- Smelling like a pack of cigarettes and coughing up a lung while you greeting hello is not charming. Now if you must smoke invest in some breath spray, some clothes deodorizer, something to take the smoke stench away
- Cover your mouth when you are yawning, i have no desire to see down your throat; i am neither your dentist nor your family physician. Now i know some of you are saying, well don’t look, now while you maybe right and have a point it is decidedly difficult to do so in a packed train/bus and there is little or no wiggle room. Besides it wont kill you to cover your mouth, I mean what’s your excuse? The only exceptions are hippopotamuses and I rarely encounter those on my journey to and from.
- Cover your nose and mouth when you sneeze please, snot is not en vogue (in fashion) and if it were i would much prefer to wear my own and i much rather take my showers in the privacy of my home, germs i can do without and viruses you can keep. It would be helpful if you walk with tissue, napkin, paper towels, towelette or any other piece of absorbent rag to catch your DNA residue.
I guess you all figured out by now that I don’t own a car so i am subject to all sorts of experiences using public transportation. While most of the somewhat unexpected experiences are amusing and mildly irritating there are some that are downright grotesques and just this side of too much to take. I mean going on the train and having it smell like ass is just a hurling experience and I often stand there trying not to breathe too deeply waiting in anticipation for the train to stop so i can quickly dash and to hop onto another car in hopes that this one has a more pleasant odour and i can breathe through my nose safely. Some days it takes doing that 2 or 3 times b4 victory can be claimed.
THERE ARE A FEW THINGS I HAVE LEARNT WHILE USING PUBLIC TRANSIT:
- Never sit without first looking on the seat
- Take the first available seat because it is not your living room and looking around for the best seat will mean not getting any and standing your entire journey.
- If the person you sitting by suddenly starts shouting random profanities and talking furiously with arms flaring, get up and as casually as possible make your way to the opposite side of the train, or bus, if train preferable change cars. If its an emergency situation call 911 from cell phone at a safe distance.
- Don’t expect all public transit workers to be nice, announce your stop, answer you or look at you, it is an assumption that can cost you dearly
- Don’t just put your bag anywhere; sometimes you may encounter unlikely things (discovered a syringe once, empty condom etc.)
- You can ask the person with there bag taking up a perfectly good seat to please move it so you can sit because you can bet they did not pay and extra fare for the bag.
- You can ask other travellers who are lying down or have their feet stretched out on other seats to please sit up since they are not home and the chairs are not lazy boys
- Always walk with air plugs to tune out people with very loud music that you can hear every syllable the singer is singing or screaming depending on the music
- All and all it makes for unique experiences and good story telling. If you have any experiences using public transportation please share it with me, after all communication is the key that unlocks the door to the world.