Jul 16, 2011

19 Spanked & Arrested By The Funk

Body Odour, Lord have mercy, it ain’t easy to bear witness, be subjected to or share the same breathing space with people who have offensive body odour, rrrrrrrr…

i am ka-plunked, baffled and kafluffled by some people’s inability to smell their selves? i mean its safe to say they can not tell the difference because who voluntarily walk around smelling like a septic tank. I mean there is a huge difference between a clean body and a dirty one yet many for whatever reasons are unable to extinguish and detect the differences in their bodies odour. Usually i am a quiet traveller, i sit, read, observe, draw, listen to music,  do pretty much whatever floats my boat or if i am really tired take a cat nap on the train on my way to work or home. However this one particular morning i would break from the traditional mundane ritual to confront a man standing beside me on the train.

The first thing i did when the smell hit my nose is to check myself, not that it was me but just to be cautious, so girlfriend is strategically smelling places just to make sure. Then I turned to the left…no smell and i turned to the right…no smell, feeling assured that it was just one of those fluke scents that passes. So I turned my head straight facing forward and the funk bitch slapped me so hard I thought I would get whiplash, my eyes watered. People I tried, I really, really tried to sit there in lady like dignity and bury my head in my shirt inhaling my Nicole Miller perfume…a happy alternative that is until the stench started to permeate my shirt and I get vex, damn vex. I mean this is first thing in the morning! I looked up at the man, he was young, didn’t appear to be suffering from mental health issues, didn’t appear to be homeless and though I thought to myself, ‘you know, nobody armpits in God’s green earth should smell like that unless they decomposing.’

I took a breath as deep as I possible could without strangling myself and I asked the man gently,  “sir can you move over a little please you are a little too much in my space and I am a little claustrophobic”. He just looked at me as if to say fuck off lady, up yours; aware that I was beginning to feel a little nauseous I asked again just to be polite but he did not acknowledge me, heck he completely ignored me. Finally I couldn’t take it any more I felt like I was about to gag and I abandoned all coot. and shouted “Dammit man move, your armpit stink, Jesus don’t you bath, 7 am in the morning and you smelling like ass”. The man was so embarrassed he just left the train instantly as it opened. Now I know some of you are saying I was bad or impolite, but geez what’s a girl to do, damn, I was about to pass out and it was either him or me.

19 comments:

  1. You should be proud you told him!! Sometimes we can be too polite.

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  2. that is hilarious! iknow you so yeah ish like dat ! so ppl wash your damn selves

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  3. haha… well i know what you mean… its good you said something. im sure you were not the only person thinking it

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  4. Im with you on that one! Nicky

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  5. you just said what everyone else was afraid too … BO on public transit – YICK !!!

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  6. that’s so tru..i can’t stand being around ppl who have mre than jsut a lil bad scent….it’s good u told him.ur helpin hym in the long run neways…

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  7. Hahaha!! Survival oh! And you warned him twice.

    Adiya
    http://museorigins.blogspot.com (formerly the corner shop)
    http://museorigins.com

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  8. you make me laugh. you are all open and gentle hearted wanting to bear witness and all and then, bam. i'm not sure right or wrong. i just don't understand it either. can't imagine living inside of that smell for whatever the reason is. perhaps he has nowhere to bathe? who knows? i certainly don't. maybe that smell becomes normal to some people. imagine that.

    xo
    erin

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  9. He must have really felt bad. I feel pity for him

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  10. I wouldn't have done your way.I would have moved to a different place or got down from the train.But it is a fact that many both men and women travel in public places or work in offices without personal hygiene.There was a colleague who never changed his shirt for days together forgetting he acted as an emetic for those who work by his side.But can it justify public ridicule?I am not sure.

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  11. LOL! This is too funny! Wow. I love how descriptive and open you are. I do feel bad for the guy. But, he should have been polite enough to move when you first asked him to. Then again, you're not at fault for asking him again...and when he didn't listen...you did what you had to do. Lol. But, I think you should have said it a little nicer. :/

    This should warn everyone to always use deodorant/perfume/cologne or whatever before leaving your various homes! Smelling good at all times is essential! :)

    http://foreversweetlybroken.blogspot.com/

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  12. Blessings all, thanks for commenting. I usually do not reply here rather i go to each person individually and say my thanks yous and what not however Parthasarathi's comment does merit a response here as I feel most may have the same idea but just didn't voice it.

    Parthasarathi, there was no where else to go as it was packed but there was enough room for him to shift himself because he was leaning into me, my intent was not to publicily humiliate the man hence my efforts to create some space between myself and him. However his facial expression and deliberate choice to ignore me bypassed any other consideration I may have attempted to use.

    While consideration of others is a worthy virtue consideration of onself is just as worthy.

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  13. I wouldn't have told him but BO on the bus can be quite traumatic, I've once had to leave the bus.

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  14. Well said,Rhapsody.I realise there were extenuating circumstances for your losing your cool like space constraint to move away from him for you,your futile gentle admonitions and his remorseless attitude.After all the person who wears the shoe know where it pinches.I meant no offense.Pray, do not take me amiss.I could have avoided my hasty comment.

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  15. Dang gurrrllll, you are definitely on a roll...setting them straight left and right!

    I just came by to wish you a nice weekend! I hope you all is well with you.

    Glad you got the book, I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. That's just a few of the shenanigans happening around dellgirl's place.

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  16. That was some spanking, gurl!!!!
    hope fully he'd be a bit more watchful of his hygiene now.

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  17. Naw. You did the right thing. That's just out and out laziness. You were lucky he was facing you.

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  18. ♫ *´”)
    ¸.•´¸.•*´¨) ¸.•*¨) ♫ ♪
    (¸.•´ (¸.• ♫ ♪ Bwahahaha! I am sorry... but I honestly do not think that you sid nor acted out of line. Seriously, you asked him not once but twice nicely to move aside a little... had he had any amount of respect for either you or himself, he would have smiled and moved aside.
    For the record... I promise to never eat chili around you. My 'chili toots' are probably a heck of a lot worse than 'smelly ass' even though I am not 100% sure what smelly ass smells like... but I do know that my chili toots brought a tear or two to my own eyes. :)

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  19. LOL @ smelling strategic places....yeah! it puts me off!...dab on perf esp at the armpits or sweet-smelling talcum powder....like the way you told him.

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