19 Spanked & Arrested By The Funk

Body Odour, Lord have mercy, it ain’t easy to bear witness, be subjected to or share the same breathing space with people who have offensive body odour, rrrrrrrr…

i am ka-plunked, baffled and kafluffled by some people’s inability to smell their selves? i mean its safe to say they can not tell the difference because who voluntarily walk around smelling like a septic tank. I mean there is a huge difference between a clean body and a dirty one yet many for whatever reasons are unable to extinguish and detect the differences in their bodies odour. Usually i am a quiet traveller, i sit, read, observe, draw, listen to music,  do pretty much whatever floats my boat or if i am really tired take a cat nap on the train on my way to work or home. However this one particular morning i would break from the traditional mundane ritual to confront a man standing beside me on the train.

The first thing i did when the smell hit my nose is to check myself, not that it was me but just to be cautious, so girlfriend is strategically smelling places just to make sure. Then I turned to the left…no smell and i turned to the right…no smell, feeling assured that it was just one of those fluke scents that passes. So I turned my head straight facing forward and the funk bitch slapped me so hard I thought I would get whiplash, my eyes watered. People I tried, I really, really tried to sit there in lady like dignity and bury my head in my shirt inhaling my Nicole Miller perfume…a happy alternative that is until the stench started to permeate my shirt and I get vex, damn vex. I mean this is first thing in the morning! I looked up at the man, he was young, didn’t appear to be suffering from mental health issues, didn’t appear to be homeless and though I thought to myself, ‘you know, nobody armpits in God’s green earth should smell like that unless they decomposing.’

I took a breath as deep as I possible could without strangling myself and I asked the man gently,  “sir can you move over a little please you are a little too much in my space and I am a little claustrophobic”. He just looked at me as if to say fuck off lady, up yours; aware that I was beginning to feel a little nauseous I asked again just to be polite but he did not acknowledge me, heck he completely ignored me. Finally I couldn’t take it any more I felt like I was about to gag and I abandoned all coot. and shouted “Dammit man move, your armpit stink, Jesus don’t you bath, 7 am in the morning and you smelling like ass”. The man was so embarrassed he just left the train instantly as it opened. Now I know some of you are saying I was bad or impolite, but geez what’s a girl to do, damn, I was about to pass out and it was either him or me.