Apr 10, 2019

8 HE BEATS HER WHILE SHE SAT PASSIVELY TAKING THE BEATINGS

I boarded the bus on my way to work. As I navigated the stroller with two kids parked precariously. I passed by with a twist of the hip and sat down. I saw from my peripheral right a shadowed up and down movement. I turned my head toward the movement and saw the eldest child (no more than 6/7) in the front of the stroller hit his mother 3 or 4 times. It shook me. I stared at her in shock. She sat passively as if it never happened. I blinked thinking 'oh hell no!' In my Caribbean culture that simply don't happen. As I looked on he raised his hand and hit her 4 more times. I could take no more. It was too much for me. I shouted, "don't hit your mother, stop it." Paying me absolutely no attention he hauled off and smacked her harder. She flinched from the blow. Unable to bear continued witness to the abusive behavior I turned to her and said, "you cannot allow him to hit you without disciplining him. By sitting passively and taking his beatings you are sending the message that it is OK to be violent in order to get what he wants. You are in essence teaching him that his behaviour is good because it gives him what he desires. What do you think would happen as he gets older if left unchecked?"

She said, "OK, thank you," and calmly gave the child the cellphone. He slapped her 3 more times and took it.

I was infuriated. I looked at her thinking, 'she is raising somebody's husband, a man that will surely beat his significant other to get his way?' Don't get me wrong I understand that what I witnessed can be a small insight to a much bigger problem. He could be mimicking what he sees at home (his father domineering his mother). But dammit I can't stand that shit. I don't want to bear witness to it to have it add to the landscape of my observed experience. I just don't. I abhor violence in any form.

MESSAGE TO BOTH PARENTS
Discipline is not the F word. You are your children's guide until they learn to navigate their world and take over their self-governance YOU ARE IT. Your job is to teach them right from wrong, action and consequence, how to navigate their emotions - to take time out to breathe when they are feeling overwhelmed and express their selves in ways that is affirming. Your purpose is to teach them self-respect and the value of choices. If you don't know how then Learn! But for God sakes don't raise your child to become a bully, an abuser, a statistic, a loser in action, word and deed. 

While we may have no say in what they do when they are grown and self-governing you are responsible when the are little human beings for laying a solid foundation of respect, truth, integrity, honor, self-sufficiency and hard work. Understand this, as a parent you teach not only by what you do and say, you also teach by what you don't do, fail to do and don't say and fail to say. You are the template and they are watching and mimicking you.

MESSAGE TO MOTHERS WITH SONS
You are raising the men of tomorrow, the future. Wake up! You have a hand in who they become. Teach your son's to be self-sufficient, to cook, to clean, to love and respect their selves and to be respectful, compassionate, strong and empathetic. You have to give them the tools which they can use to navigate the world. You have to send them out equipped and confident not lacking, slacking, self-depreciating and insecure.

8 comments:

  1. My take is, you were entirely justified in your reaction and caution to the parent. Unfortunately, such misbehavior stems from a dysfunctional home life --which is harder to correct.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think that parents needs to know there part in what can be children's bad habit.

      Delete
  2. Abuse of women is my platform, but it's bad to see abuse in any form, so this shocked and saddened me because this little boy is already on a path to mistreat women. I wonder what else this poor woman is dealing with at home, and am now keeping here in prayer. Hugs...RO

    ReplyDelete
  3. Honestly, parenting can be very tiring, but we can't allow ourselves to get tired because of one pressure or the other. The story is so sad.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It is indeed tiring and you are right it is not something we can afford. It was sad absolutely.

      Delete
  4. Impressive post, it is very inspiring! Wise words and some very good advice.

    You did a wonderful job presenting this, thanks for taking time to put this together and for sharing it.

    Wishing you a Blessed Sunday!

    ReplyDelete

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