Apr 22, 2018


Browsing through YouTube and watching random videos I clicked on one of Wendy's (The Wendy Williams Show). I don't remember the exact topic in which she shared a philosophy on friendship but what she said gave me pause.

"A friend is an enemy waiting to bubble up and say the wrong thing or do the wrong thing, so watch your friends and watch what you say to them." ----Wendy Williams

Apart from the revealed trust issues coated in that perspective. I have to say it was a bit of food for thought. If I had heard this particular philosophy on friendship 2 weeks ago I would have vehemently disagreed. I would have climbed on my soap box and articulated to whomever would listen the 'where for art thou' on the finer points on how wrong that philosophical piece of tribble was. Yes I would have called it tribble because that is how strong I'd advocate my view point. Today though, not so much. Don't get me wrong. I am not saying I agree 100%. I am saying there is some validity in her ethos.

I spent some time cultivating a relationship base on what I believed was respect, honesty, transparency and integrity. No games, no agendas and no half truths. I say I believe' because I am only speaking for myself, I cannot assume thought for anyone else but me. As far I was concerned it was a solid foundation and based in truth. Am I declaring perfection here, hell no. I am not because this human is as flawed and as imperfect as they come. What I did do was to be intentional when I spoke, to ensure I am always respectful and honoring and to be mindful of my limits while holding myself accountable. I am not affaid to own my shit and fuck ups even when it makes me uncomfortable. I am sorry is not a four letter word for me. But even with all that work and effort, sugar turned to shit in a heart beat with an unfounded accusation. The experience was disheartening. It made me take a step back, an eye opener. It made me realize I invest way too much of myself in others and not enough in myself. I had to relearn the importance of balancing caring for myself with caring for others. Relearning life lessons is a bitch because it almost always comes with heartache and disillusionment.

In relationships there's bound to be disagreements and those can be worked out if the persons involved are invested and chooses to set their collective egos aside and listen without defending and speak without offending. However when one refuses to listen to the other and is more fixed on being right and righteous with accusations, the foundation of that relationship begins to crumble. This was my experience. I was not given the benefit of the doubt, and attempts to understand what happened were dimissed. The lack of faith on their part as it regards to me or whom they believe I am has caused me to question the validity of the relationship and examine my perception of their interaction and integrity with me. What was all that investing and hard work for if it can be carelessly dismissed so callously? So when I heard Wendy saying, " A friend is an enemy waiting to bubble up and say the wrong thing or do the wrong thing, so watch your friends and watch what you say to them." I found myself partially agreeing and cautioning myself going forward because quite simply that is how I felt.

The experience has also reminded me of a Ted Talk I listened to a while ago, I can't remember the speaker, I will have to try and fine it. Anyway she gave a breakdown of integrity. In her breakdown the G in integrity stood for GENEROSITY. She explained that generosity  to her is "assuming the most generous things about my words, intentions and behavior, then check in with me." 

That blew my mind. So simple yet so powerful because when you check in and inquire you find out if your preception of what you heard, is in fact what was said along with the meaning and intent. I have integrated this methodology of "check in" in  my daily living and I find that it has gone a long way in curbing misunderstandings. It allows you to reassess situations and take another approach or no approach.

By D.S.B.S. Rhapsody


  1. Wow... I went through this recently... I had cultivated a friendship with open and honesty... apparently something happened, which I have no idea what ... but one day we were chatting, the next we were not. I reached out in the beginning but gave up recently and accepted that it was her issue, not mine. I would have been willing to talk it through but she is not.. so say la vie... such is life... it makes me more careful now...

    1. Yes one has to come into acceptance. It is a bit disheartening though.

  2. Wow! Like you, I have to be honest and say that I would have disagreed with this as well, but everything you said made perfect sense, and like you, I went through the same nightmare. Mine came about because of a blatant lie, and it's gone significantly downhill over a period of 7 years. It's all about mutual respect and kindness and truth. Great post! Hugs...RO

    1. Absolutely. Its also about people speaking to the hurts they feel because of something someone unknowingly does. They are the ones with the boundaries therefore they have to speak up with those boundaries are tried and trampled.

  3. This is a very thought-provoking post, my friend. It definitely made me stop and think about my friendships, all three of them. Thanks for sharing this insightful perspective with us.

    Wishing you a wonderful weekend!

    1. Yeah, its hard to find friends that can be honest and transparent and not be deliberately hurtful when conveying how you might have cross a boundary and hurt their feelings. Makes you cherish those that do in your life.


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