One Month was originally shared on Honoring Ossie, a blog dedicated to his memory.
Saturday March 21st marked one month (30 days) since my cousin Ossie’s departure from this physical world. Though we, the loved ones left behind to deal with the hole his absence created we know that he is in a better place. He is in a place void of human suffering, the endless physical, emotional and psychological pain he had to endure as a result of his valiant battle with stage 4 nasopharyngeal cancer. Five years he soldiered on, he fought, he won, he triumph, he stood tall and he ran when he could barely walk. He knew his time was near and came into acceptance long before any of us could, or would. He took his final steps into glory and face death head on. I wonder if I’d have that courage.
I am past the pain of disbelief. I now vacillate between numbness, brief forgetfulness and acceptance. Life goes on, not even pausing for his last breath, the clock never stopped to acknowledge his passing. People were laughing, animated while he lay still dying. They were planning their lives, celebrating, acknowledging, affirming, and clueless to the deafening silence of the nothingness of his pending nonexistence as he closed his eyes to the permanence of eternal muteness. I laid in my bed listening to the sounds of life around me, living and resenting the interplay of conversations, of the resonance of joy spilling over and bouncing off the paper thin walls, of the music playing loudly next door as they partied. Life goes on as death walks in and stakes its claim.
I am perplexed by death. I am vexed by death. I am battling a tumultuous array of feelings as I am strangely unenthusiastically grateful to death with its swift merciful hand snatching away unbearable insurmountable pain and suffering. I am defiantly reluctant to acknowledge and willingly deny knowing death, though it’s not a stranger.
Death is the uncomfortable familiar that barges into every room, every place, every house, and every space uninvited not caring for an invitation or waiting for a greeting or an introduction. It cares not for formalities nor does it discriminate to please, ease or appease. I know I will face death one day, it’s inevitable. I pray that I have the courage Ossie did, to face it and say I am ready, lead the way.
Rest in peace cous, God speed.
1972-2015
I am so sorry about your loss.
ReplyDeleteMay you find inner peace, acceptance, and strength today, tomorrow and always.
Blessings and I thank you for your time and your offering of sympathy.
DeleteI condole with you on your sad bereavement.Death is less painful if one accepts that birth and death are just transitions from one state to another.But to be free of a painful death is what we should pray for.
ReplyDeleteIndeed ....
DeleteThe acceptance of birth and death as a natural part of life is the easy part, the living with the absence of the loved one is what is hard. You can accept and still have adjustments to deal with the physical absence of the love one.
You need to get over your grief and get on with the business of Life !
ReplyDeleteGrief is not like a flip of a switch where you just turn it off, it is a process and cannot be rushed or dismissed. Grief looks different for everyone as each person deal with it in their own way.
DeleteWhen you have had someone in your life for 43 years you don't put their loss of presence callously down to the flip of a switch and say, ok your gone am still living forget you. It takes time, you continue to move forward as life will have it no other way and you come to terms and let go in degrees until one day it doesn't hold you be the throat any more threatening to suffocate you.
Grief is a process not a light switch you simply turn off.
Looks like I have not said the right thing & you are deeply hurt. Of course one can never ever get over the feeling of grief of the loss of a near and dear person. One may not show external mannifestations after a while but the grief remains always within.I know because I lost a brother when he wad 14 over 55 years ago and my mom still mourns him every year on the day of his death anniversary.
DeleteNamaste:
DeleteThough I believe it was n ot your intention to sound insensitive your statement did ring a bit callous
Pele lv. Dealing with death is not the easiest of things. It never goes away..you simply learn how to cope.
ReplyDeleteAll will be well. Your post was very honest. Be strong. xx
Yes indeed, it never goes away you simply learn to accept and deal.
Deletethank you for your time and condolences.
Sorry about your loss, may your cousin's soul rest in perfect peace. He fought a good fight and for that his blessings will be bountiful in heaven. The fact that you took time out to right means you have decided to start your healing process, it takes courage to even start to write after such loss. I pray the Lord give you strength through Christ that strengthens.
ReplyDeletebtw...am still waiting for your sorry love story on my blog.
thank you......
Deletethe healing has begun.
Thank you very much for this beautiful post, Rhapsody. We are also dealing with the recent deaths of my cousin from liver cancer and my aunt from grief. Grieving is such a painful process. I feel like I'm walking with you.
ReplyDeleteIt is absolutely.....
DeleteThe walk is slow however it is necessary.
I am sorry for your loses, may your journey of grief and letting go be smooth and healing.
Wonderful post , dealing with this tragic loss so sad. He was a strong man and dealt with it head on , so brave in many ways .x
ReplyDeleteYes he was
DeleteYes he did
thank you