Have you ever had someone tell you “get over it?” They just fling those three words at you, sometimes in judgment, disgust, exasperation, or in a well intentioned effort to help you move on without really having a clue as to the depth of your issues and they only succeed in making you feel worst?
You know why you feel worst, because on some level you know there is some truth to what they have said regardless of delivery (how they are say it) and that is why it hurts so much (even if they don’t have all the facts and know the whole story). Therein lies the discomfort, the reasons for the defensiveness, resistance, distance and perpetulance because you are locked in, you are stuck and feeling like you can’t to get above the experience, the hurt.
Sometimes in life we get stuck, stuck in the past. Stuck in a point in time that is was impactful enough that it hinders your progress or slows it to a degree that you feel like you are standing still while the world goes by. This I call “The boom shift” the point of impact, the implosion, the wounding of the “I” that creates the crisis of “self”, “the monkey cling”, you know—the shit that sticks/emotional baggage. It colors the way in which you see yourself, the way you see, articulate and relate to the world around you. Not everyone can just shake that monkey and keep it moving.
We are all different and hence we all process our experiences diversely. While it is important to deal with past negative experiences that created a shift in character and personality that can contribute to being stuck it is also important that we don’t maliciously trample upon others feelings in our zest to help them “get over it” because you may be creating more wounds and doing more harm than good.
Getting over is not easy, shame and guilt are heavy tasks masters that gives no quarter and takes no prisoners though journey to conquer ones demons is well worth the triumphant peace that is sure to follow because we all deserve to be free of the negative bondage of the past.
WORD OF CAUTION:
Check your mouth before you let things go falling out and ask yourself this, are you speaking from your own context or are you standing in the context of the person to whom you are speaking in order to really grasps what they are sharing, have experienced and what they are asking?
Bear in mind, when someone shares their story with you, It’s not about what you would do, IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU! It’s about them, where they are at and what they are feeling and how they are attempting to sort it out if that’s what they are asking. If you cannot do that, if you cannot prevent yourself from making it about you, then do them a favor, delicately shut it down.
Note: If you consent to listening to someone’s story, consult your head, heart and intention before you go doling out advise, solicited or unsolicited and be mindful that you may not “know” the whole story and there may be levels and depths to which you don’t understand, have a clue or are ill equipped to deal with.
For those of you “getting over” be patient with yourself, be gentle with yourself, be real with yourself, be willing to see the truth as is even though its hard to sallow and digest, to face it, own the pieces that are yours to own, learn to come to terms with and let go of the ones that are not yours to hold and understand through it all, you are enough and you are worthy.
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