Apr 2, 2015

14 “GET OVER IT”–GETTING OVER

Have you ever had someone tell you “get over it?” They just fling those three words at you, sometimes in judgment, disgust, exasperation, or in a well intentioned effort to help you move on without really having a clue as to the depth of your issues and they only succeed in making you feel worst?

You know why you feel worst, because on some level you know there is some truth to what they have said regardless of delivery (how they are say it) and that is why it hurts so much (even if they don’t have all the facts and know the whole story). Therein lies the discomfort, the reasons for the defensiveness, resistance, distance and perpetulance because you are locked in, you are stuck and feeling like you can’t to get above the experience, the hurt.

Sometimes in life we get stuck, stuck in the past. Stuck in a point in time that is was impactful enough that it hinders your progress or slows it to a degree that you feel like you are standing still while the world goes by. This I call “The boom shift” the point of impact, the implosion, the wounding of the “I” that creates the crisis of “self”, “the monkey cling”, you know—the shit that sticks/emotional baggage. It colors the way in which you see yourself, the way you see, articulate and relate to the world around you. Not everyone can just shake that monkey and keep it moving.  

We are all different and hence we all process our experiences diversely. While it is important to deal with past negative experiences that created a shift in character and personality that can contribute to being stuck it is also important that we don’t maliciously trample upon others feelings in our zest to help them “get over it” because you may be creating more wounds and doing more harm than good.

Getting over is not easy, shame and guilt are heavy tasks masters that gives no quarter and takes no prisoners though journey to conquer ones demons is well worth the triumphant peace that is sure to follow because we all deserve to be free of the negative bondage of the past.

WORD OF CAUTION:

Check your mouth before you let things go falling out and ask yourself this, are you speaking from your own context or are you standing in the context of the person to whom you are speaking in order to really grasps what they are sharing, have experienced and what they are asking?

Bear in mind, when someone shares their story with you, It’s not about what you would do, IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU! It’s about them, where they are at and what they are feeling and how they are attempting to sort it out if that’s what they are asking. If you cannot do that, if you cannot prevent yourself from making it about you, then do them a favor, delicately shut it down.

Note: If you consent to listening to someone’s story, consult your head, heart and intention before you go doling out advise, solicited or unsolicited and be mindful that you may not “know” the whole story and there may be levels and depths to which you don’t understand, have a clue or are ill equipped to deal with.

For those of you “getting over” be patient with yourself, be gentle with yourself, be real with yourself, be willing to see the truth as is even though its hard to sallow and digest, to face it, own the pieces that are yours to own, learn to come to terms with and let go of the ones that are not yours to hold and understand through it all, you are enough and you are worthy.

D.S.B.S.Rhapsody©All Rights Reserved.

blackstones

14 comments:

  1. I pray i'll be able to move on very fast.. this was very helpful

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Everything in its time
      life is about lessons
      the key is getting the lessons, implement it and move on.

      Delete
  2. People should learn to be more sensitive. Just because they can get over things quickly doesn't mean others can. People are different.

    Atilola's World

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. True enough, often people's response has to to with how they would react and not how the person who is sharing is reacting

      Delete
  3. It's always easier to advise the next person to get over it when it's not our situation.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Everyone's got their own pace to deal with negative experience and getting over stuff. I think some of us can take too long and it holds us down. The best way to deal with a loved one who is not moving on is to tell them in our actions rather than direct words. By actions I mean doing positive things with them, spending time with them, remembering happier times, etc. The list of things we can do to help them move on is endless. In time they will appreciate the nurturing and adjust to life without the past trauma. It's also about letting people have the space to grieve and deal with the pain, and knowing when to step in and nurture. confrontational tactics don't tend to work in such situations where emotions are involved.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Absolutely,
      very enlightening, thank you kindly for sharing.

      Delete
  5. Yes those words can hurt and I can't imagine someone being "mean" while using them. The (Eagles) have a song called, Get Over It and quite frankly I think that the world at times needs to listen to that song and well...."Get Over It." . I know from time to time I even have to tell myself that.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes at times we do need to say that to ourselves in doing so we put things in its proper context and see things as they are and not as we wish it to be

      Delete
  6. It isn't always easy to get over something or event, and people handle things differently. Learning that on a daily. Many thanks for the reminder. Happy Easter!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Not always easy no, it also depends on how close to the heart the situation is.
      You are most welcome.

      Delete
  7. This is a great reminder, Rhapsody. Thanks for sharing it. I used to "pop-off-at-the-mouth" and tell people to get over it. NO MORE though!! I learned the hard way not to be insensitive like that.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What's good about that experience for you is one you learn from it and two you implement it moving forward.

      Delete

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