Dec 5, 2012

42 Infidelity- My response To A Blog

extramarital-affairInfidelity and age old question that continues to be the topic on everyone’s lips, and on blogs on every platform, my recent browse through blogger-sphere prove that the question is still alive and well. It all reminded me of an article I encountered some years ago on a blog called RELATIONSHIP BLOG CITY which featured the article WHY MEN CHEAT.” I tried to find the  link again for your reading pleasure unfortunately it no longer seem to exist. I do however have a small excerpt from the article that says:

Excerpt: “Why men cheat: if you think it's only about getting some, think again. Baggage and bad judgment—and even a woman's own behaviour—are often at the root of a man's betrayal


Needless to say this got my attention. You know I had a response right, (see below) and don’t be shy, let me know what you think and jump in on any comments of fellow participants below who weighed in on the subject.


MY RESPONSE TO "Why Men Cheat"


The issue of fidelity or infidelity rather has long since been debated. Men blame women for their straying and women blame men for their straying but the reality is all the cheater needs to do is hold up a mirror and see where the accountability lies. I have often heard some psychiatrist; psychologist, counsellor and other varied therapist list a myriad of reasons, as to why a love one cheats and they frequently miss the one true fact, CHOICE. Men and women cheat because they want to and because they can.


It may sound reasonable to say I cheated because my wife stop having sex with me, or my wife emasculates me, or my husband never comes home, or he never pays any attention to me, bringing feelings of outraged that may seem to validate the act of cheating. But I would dare to say that there are always other choices as well. Either of which could include marriage/couples counselling, individual counselling, mutual agreement towards working on having better communication or walking away from the relationship.


If things are so bad why stay there and cheat instead of leaving? The reality is each person is responsible for his or her own happiness and pointing at the other partner that may clearly be wrong does not justify having sex with someone else. It is very simple yet complex due to the emotional piece but bluntly put, people cheat because they want to, let’s face it there will always be a reason to do something contrary in a relationship because nobody’s perfect and while the other partner may very well be doing things that may seem like it is advocating stepping outside the relationship to have needs met whether it be emotional, physical or otherwise, committing the act is still a choice. Many people go through hardships in relationships and do not cheat, not much separates them from those that do cheat except choice.


When people neglect to honour their selves and have emotional integrity in their relationships they become a participant in their own hurt. Any refusal to deal with the toxicity that infiltrates a relationship in preference to doing nothing is a death sentence to its sustainability. Burying ones head in the sand only to have ones ass exposed while secretly hoping he/she will see the silent suffering only seeks to diminish self-worth, and scarify self-esteem.


A relationship involves more than one person and each person has a responsibility to self, each other, and the health and longevity of the connection. The person that makes the choice to cheat is not blameless in the relationship regardless of the circumstances. One person cannot be solely responsible for the feelings of inadequacies of the other although they may contribute to it.


Relationships is hard work, we work at being the best we can be at our jobs, university/college, sports etc., yet when it comes to personal relationships people often expect it to “happen” to just go on beautifully without the application of effort. Life is not a fairytale, it’s not Disneyland where everything is well orchestrated to give you the thrill of your life without peaks and valleys, people save it for the movies and throw out the fairytale and get in tuned with the reality.


Relationships can be fantastic with many highs and lows. It involves mutual respect, understanding each other’s ways of thinking, being, and acting. There is no law that says you must agree on everything but respect is vital.  Sometimes you must agree to disagree. The universal fact of the matter is people need to know that they are valued, loved and cherished for who they are, as they are and that they are enough.


If you have tried all you can and it is still not working, then take a stand and get out but do not bitch and complain while screwing someone else and still have the nerve to go home to the house and partner whose character you’ve  maligned. Cheating is a coward’s way. It is a way to get something new and explore hidden desires and use the excuses of your partner’s shortcomings as justification to advocate your actions. If you are going to cheat, at least be honest about why.

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