Mar 25, 2012

38 Email from My Cousin - "If A Man Wants You"

men, woman burning symbolBlessings all, am fixing to share an email here with you that I received from my cousin. Every once in a while she sends me these emails that make me go hmmmmmmm...... perhaps you've seen this already but I think its one of those things that warrants a second, third or even fourth mention as it contains some things that makes you think, (at least it should).

Ladies take note, fellas (Men) please weigh in if you got something to say you are more than welcome to add to the list of things “we” women need to be aware of.

  • If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
  • If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
  • Stop making excuses for a man and his behaviour. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache. Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that's not meant to be.
  • Slower is better.
  • Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
  • If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you, as you deserve then heck no, you can't 'be friends.' A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend. Don't settle.
  • If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
  • Don't stay because you think 'it will get better.' You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
  • The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
  • Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, Why would he treat you any differently?
  • Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
  • Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up.
  • Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
  • You cannot change a man's behaviour. Change comes from within.
  • Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
  • Never let a man define who you are.
  • Never borrow someone else's man. Oh Lord!? If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
  • A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
  • All men are NOT dogs. You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is a two-way street.
  • You need time to heal between relationships, there is nothing cute about baggage, deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.
  • You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you, a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary .not supplementary.
  • Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr.. Right.
  • Make him miss you sometimes, when a man always knows where you are, and you’re always readily available to him- he takes it for granted.
  • Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

Ladies ....Take heed…
It is said that this was written by a MAN so TAKE A HINT!

38 comments:

  1. Yes, I saw these words on another blog awhile back and thought it was a very good read. There is one thing on it I dont know if I agree with or not though. The part about having seperate friends… I know that growing up, my parents had friends that were married and we would all go on camp outs together with them and their children. I dont think my parents had seperate friends. The women folk would visit and tend to the kids and other things while the men folk would go fishing. I guess now, it is different. Many couples have seperate friends.

    My parents were married over 50 years and then my Dad passed away. Having other couples as friends did not hurt their relationship at all. I believe it was more of the norm than having seperate friends.

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    1. hmmmm....personally i think each couple has to determine for their selves what works, though I understand the point about having seperate friends. I believe the person is saying that it is important that the woman has a life beyond the relationship, to cultivate her own interests so she is not so wrapped up in him that she does not know where he ends and she begins. That's my thinking on that particular piece, could be wrong but that is what I got from it.

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  2. Great advice. In a past life, I allowed victimization to most of the list. PRAISES, experience is indeed the best teacher.

    Peace, Love & Together

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    1. That is true but only if we are willing students and willing to learn.

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  3. hmmmmmmm
    Some good stuff here, I will think about it some more and get back on this one…

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    1. I'll be waiting as you always have some interesting stuff in mind.

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  4. Well if that’s not straight from the horses mouth (per say), I don’t know what is. Being penned straight from a Mars, this Venus is taking note

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  5. I’ve heard that it was written by a man. That may be so, but, I think it was written by a man who has experienced a bitter woman and decided to put her words into form and function. Sounds like a bunch of "touchy feely" nonsense to me. How so?Slower is better . . . you’re slow, you blow.Having separate friends . . . will usually get you separate lives.Make him miss you – absence does not make the heart grow fonder – it makes you move on and say "Next?".Keep him in your radar – but WE have commitment issues?!Further, it (mostly) sounds like "how not to find a man". Well, you should know me by now and know that "I’m still in the kitchen, therefore, I must be able to stand the heat". So, fire away. Peace.

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    1. Wordsmith….lol, lol, lol, lmao at this moment, I usually don’t answer posts on my posts but this one warrant it, I like your thoughts on the advice, it’s all good. I am one woman that happen to love the differing prespective it makes things/life interesting……..

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  6. OK I have taken a little time to simmer on these, so here is my weigh in;
    Most of these are very good, and apply equally to men and women I think.
    You have to be on equal ground, more or less for a relationship to work,
    to try to grow your partner into what you want is a big mistake,
    yes you have to be yourself, otherwise you are a codependant,
    never let a man know everything…I take exception to this, witholding from a good man (or woman) will get you gone,
    you can have the same friends but never never take over your partner’s friends!
    slow or fast depends on those involved, there is no universal formula, and yes don’t settle, or your may find out later you suckered yourself.
    OK there it is, the world (in part) according to Steve!
    Remember, do what I say, not as I have done LOL
    Take Care and Hugs from Alaska

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    Replies
    1. Exception noted, I think we are of the same mind here. I do not like secrets, they tend to stand in the room like an elephant even when you are not aware there is one. It has an aura of its own fitting to make itself known.

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  7. I stayed longer than I should have, many moons ago. I wanted it to get better, it got worse. Almost too late I got out. But I did.
    This piece of advice is worth gold!
    Christie

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    1. You got out, then it was not too late. Too late is when you are no more and you are HERE. Yeah many of us both men and women make that mistake, holding on longer than we should, trying to give life support to a dead horse-A waste of time, energy and emotion. The good thing-you learned, lesson noted now you can move on wiser and happier.

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  8. this lists sounds like a bunch of games which is a good way to get a self confident person to laugh and move one to someone who acts like themself instead of acting by certain rules

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    1. Perhaps, sounds to me though like you got something from it, which is the point.

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  9. Hi5! I mostly agree. 'No' to being a doormat

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    1. and I think that has to be established early in the relationship.

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  10. All on point!

    my fav, is avoiding men, who already have a bunch of children by a bunch of women....what makes women think, he won't do the same to them???

    likewise, i do advise young unmarried ladies to avoid divorcees... the truth of the matter is that he might go back to his ex if she wants him back....so many examples...like the woman who died a week ago.... Married a divorcee with kids....had 2 kids for him...the ex, wanted a reconciliation with her husband,who did it behind her back, her MIL supported....she fell terribly ill, the man barely looked after her, until neighbours called the sister, who sent money, but was too late...would be buried next week...the man is crying for who to look after the 2 kids she borne for him. The woman's family would be taking the kids after the burial rites, because neighbours pleaded they should not be left with their father, if they don't want them to suffer. The man intention is to move in with his ex, who is doing well financially more than him and his late wife!

    if only we women would listen, but.........#sighs#

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    1. While ideally women would love to avoid divorce it isn't always a realistic option. Many things can be worked out lack of communication, boundaries, respect, dishonesty, i dare say even infedility should the person who has been betrayed opt to stay however there are some definite no nos and they concern anything that borders on abuse/violence.

      Its unfortunate what that woman had to endure, it is truly bone sad and the children, have mercy. Sadly sometimes one is not privy to their bad choices until they are knee deep in it and the dye has already been cast.

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  11. This has loads and loads and loads of wisdom and truth in it. Unfortunately, many women won't learn from this and will continue to act the fool.

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    1. Yeah, unfortunately many of us think we have to learn things the hard way instead of understanding that we can all learn from each other.

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  12. Replies
    1. there is always something to learn isn't, thats the beauty of life.

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  13. I don't quite agree with most of them cos they seem very feminist in the perspective for which they were written. They echo a closed heart instead of a wise and perhaps open one to a relationship. Love in its true sense is VULNERABILITY. When you are not vulnerable, you are not truly in love. I agree, vulnerability could kill but the only way to get the best out of a relationship is when Love is really TRUE! The one I completely and wholly agree with is "The only person you can control in a relationship is you."

    - LDP

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    1. hmmmmmm, very interesting male prespective.

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  14. It would be tough for me to find anything to disagree with. I think all of the above could be related to life in general regardless of gender.

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  15. While the list would serve at best as a guideline,there can be no finality about it except the one about a cheat would again cheat.One should be guided by careful assessment,past antecedents and the gut feel.But nothing is foolproof in human relationships.The vulnerable gets hurt unless both are good and loving at heart

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    1. hmmmmm.....Its intriging to here a man say, "a cheat would cheat again." Good advice, thanks for sharing.

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  16. I agree with most of the points, but like in these relationship issues, each person and each couple is different and they will have to decide what works for them.

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    1. that is very true, it is up to each couple to establish their boundaries and what will and will not work for their relationship.

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  17. i have read this before but it was reassuring to read it again
    recently had to let someone who ticked a couple of those boxes go...
    its nice to get a confirmation that i did the right thing :) x

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    1. Sometimes the hardest part is letting go of things that is not healthy for us, once you begin to though it gets a bit easier because you soon realize its about aligning your life and taking accountability and responsibility for it.

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  18. So very very true, I haven't read this before but enjoyed the read thank you.
    Hugs Sheila

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  19. You know something. I do believe that this could have been written by a man. One man indeed... a father and he wrote this to his daughter! If you do not mind, I want to share this with my daughter... because as much as I don't like some parts because of 'generalization' these truly are words of wisdom.

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  20. When it comes to love and one of the keys to a lasting meaningful relationship, it is very true that we come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly. Accepting each others flaws with understanding and empathy WITHOUT being a doormat. Love is giving someone the power to destroy you...but trusting them not to. Everyone in life is gonna hurt you, you just have to figure out which people are worth the pain and how much of that pain you are willing to take... and for how long. See that's the thing abut L.O.V.E. If love were easily obtained it wouldn't be a grand, for it would be another common thing all would have, and we know that's not so.

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  21. Life is not a movie....what you see on tv and film, read about in books and poems... they create impossible Utopian ideas of love. They create standards by which love is measured, when in reality it is unmeasurable. It has become so overwhelming that it has become the sales-pitch of many salesman (men AND women)....."That will definitely say, I love you!".

    It's no longer enough to look someone in the eyes and say with conviction and honesty that you love them. It's not enough. Society now requires us to purchase something, create a spectacular experience, compete with some of the worlds best writers to show (through film, tv, books etc) a significant other how much we love them. It makes me sick......I long for days when you could hug someone and know that you were loved without the pressure of having to set up some fairy tale act.

    Wow, sorry....yes....love is complicated.

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You Are Enough. Right here, Right now, In this moment, YOU. ARE. ENOUGH!

By All Means Speak Your Mind. However, Please Observe These 3 Basic Rules.

1. No form of abuse is allowed, everyone is entitled to their point of view (pov) as we all see and articulate the world differently, be respectful and speak without offending.

2. Please stay on the topic of discussion

3. Agree to Disagree

So what say you?

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