I often hear people say, "You can't help whom you love" or "whom you fall in love with." A myriad of justifiable excuses are given to support their actions especially if it involves the disintegration of a marriage, long term relationship and or a friendship. The standard line is "It just happened".
Oh hell to the no, it did not just happen. Lightening did not strike knocking the unfaithful ones unconscious rendering them helplessly into each other’s arms only to have them open their eyes and find their selves involuntarily fused in a tawdry affair. Give me a frigging break already. Don’t get me wrong here, I get it. I understand how one can get swept up in the emotions and overwhelm with the psychical chemistry and all that good stuff. However, as sweet as intoxicating as it all is, it does not negate ones responsibility when others are involved. If each person upon meeting is unencumbered I say, go for it, knock yourselves out, drown in your love and bask in your juicy possibilities of happily ever after. But don’t try to sell me that bullshit of “it just happened” because frankly it’s an excuse and seriously that excuse just won’t fly. To put it bluntly, it’s downright pathetic.
I mean there is a whole process that is deliberately glossed over and ignored in favour of the “I”, the “Me”, the lust, the "We" in order to avoid the consciousness of the choices that people make to get what they want, when they want it, to have affairs and infiltrate relationships.
The truth of the matter is, one may or may not be able to control “whom they love” or even “whom they fall in love with,” but they can certainly choose what “they do” about it. The choice to surrender to their desire and hope of what “could be” is entirely within their power and control. To do or not to do is never the question. It is whether or not the people caught in the chasm of the forbidden fruit of lust and the call of love chooses to follow their desire regardless of the pain they know their actions will inflict. That is not an “oops,” that is a deliberate calculated act of deceit and wilful betrayal.
I sound like a hard ass right. You probably saying, it happens and I would agree sure it happens. There are times you encounter someone and the chemistry is off the charts. It leaves you feeling like the powers that be have a weird sense of humour because let’s face it there is nothing worst that making a solid passionate connection with someone only to find out he/she is unavailable. That knowledge in itself can be a royal mind fuck if you let it. If you let yourself play that “if only” game (if only he/she was single, if only we had met years before etc., etc., you get the drift), no good comes from it. It’s a toxic fusion of futility that messes with your psyche.
Sometimes the easiest yet hardest thing to do when you are in love with someone that is unavailable is to walk away.
IF IT HELPS:…
Try putting yourself in the unsuspecting partner’s shoes and have some wilful interloper claiming to love the one you love with clear malice intent of fracturing your union and see how understanding you will be, how much you will root for "true love" when it means you're the one getting your heart stomped on.
YOU HAVE A CHOICE:
You see in the end, no matter how you feel, how deep your passion flows, how overwhelming its expressions. As long as that person is unavailable, you have the choice to walk away and not make up excuses to stay and help betray and rupture a union. You may not be able to help whom you love; you can however choose what to do about it.
“A house built on sand will not stand the test of time”
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