Mar 9, 2013

38 HELP

SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO ASK FOR IT

helpOften time’s people silently wait for the offer of assistance from others. They do it in either of two ways, to miraculously through telepathy communicate the need for help or erroneously assume that help will automatically and spontaneously bloom from the share force of their will. When the offer for help is not forth coming, they become irritated, resentful, angry and judgmental, criticizing, chastising and demoralizing the person mentally and at times verbally with anyone and everyone who would lend an ear (listen).

The question is, who are they really angry with? Their selves for not advocating for self on their own behalf or to the person with whom they fail to communicate their need due to pride, fear, assumptions or some unrealistic expectation, when the solution is as simple as asking?...

If someone neglects to automatically/spontaneously offer you help, simply ask for it. What’s wrong with asking? Just be realistic and mindful however that the person(s) being asked has the right to choose to refuse, either way one has nothing to lose really. If they assist you, great! It means that the journey will be shorter and less encumbered. If they do not, well then one has to simply take a deep breath and carry on as before and accomplish the task at hand.

Do not be inconsiderate of yourself by suffering in silence and refusing to ask for help, as others at times maybe inconsiderate of you by refusing to help.

It is wise to learn the skill of self-advocacy, to advocate for one self, and stop placing blame and pointing the finger at everyone else. While it’s great to get help and be supported, it should be understood that sometimes one may have to journey part of the way alone…

The fact is this: Your happiness is your responsibility, as are your successes, failures, joys and triumphs.

Ask for what you want and remember no is not a bad thing, if nothing else...it will make you realize what you are made of...

Peace.

written by D.S.B.Rhapsody © All Rights Reserved.

38 comments:

  1. Things that make you go hhhmmmmm indeed!! I have always, always internalized everything. Communication is definitely not one of my stronger qualities and something I have to work on every day. It is a challenge. I have made progress and writing about my internal struggles definitely helps as well as receiving other people’s perspectives on the matter. But in the end, you are right. The choice is mine and how I choose to deal with that struggle is my responsibility. My parents taught me to be self-reliant and to depend on no one, so asking for assistance has never come easy for me.

    Things that make you go hmmm….

    Take care,
    Christina

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The good news is you are willing to learn hence things can only get better. Self-reliance is good however it is important to know that being self-reliant doesn't mean you cannot or should not ask for help when needed.

      thank you for sharing, insightful and enlightening.

      Delete
  2. I am pretty much independent person that most of thing I do myself than I ask for help but only few times in my life..
    I needed to thinking back to when was I, ha ha ha
    Other thing it hard to me said NO for often enough too, I regret to said yes LOL!
    This was last year hot summer time, my next door asked me to mind their plants that’s hard to keeps up to healthy looking plants.
    because I had in the my garden but still too hot the plants, I don’t think that’s good idea to accept again.
    I’ve been tagged by four my friends that must be easier to tagged me? LOL So, I ‘ll do this silly games in the Saturday moring.
    Because it hard to say NO to my friends? ha ha ha
    I hope your days has been a good one,
    Michiko

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    Replies
    1. Being independent is good it means you will do what is necessary. Sounds like you know when to ask for help. We all have something to learn in this life, in this case your's is learning how to say NO. I will also add that NO is not a bad word and it is preferable to someone saying yes and not following through in the end.

      Delete
  3. Hi there, This page is great and I love what you have to say. I also checked out your other page and loved it too! Very interesting thoughts and opinions and definitely makes one think. I love that! I would say your words ring a bit of truth here lol. Awsome girl, Have a great weekend! Peace, Love & Light

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    Replies
    1. Thank you for visiting. I am glad you like what you see and read and that you found a bit of truth that resonates.

      Delete
  4. I would like to think that I have asked for the assistance I’ve needed from others but for the most part I try to do it myself or I’ve used the yellow pages (lol). I do not think that I’m guilty of not asking for help and then complaining about it but I’ll have to think on that. Well, come to think of it I may have done it at work a couple of times, but I’ve mumbled to myself not complained to everyone who would listen. I’ve made a mental note to myself to be mindful of that attitude.

    Have a great weekend,
    Paula

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    Replies
    1. Oh that is fantastic Paula, i have to say I too have been guilty of not asking for help at times. Mindfulness is good, it goes a long way to striking balance into the scheme of things.

      Delete
  5. Finally…I have been able to get here

    This is an excellent entry. Communication is so important.
    In a way…Life is simply all about yes and no’s.
    The books I am currently reading are, The Life You’re Fighting For, The Blessed Life, A Dad’s Blessings, How to Respond When You feel Mistreated, and Knowing God as Father.
    Have an awesome weekend and fun reading, Greg

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well put, "life is simply all about yes and no's"

      hmmmmm, interesting reads. i especially like the title "how to respond when you feel mistread," i think i'll look into that!

      Delete
  6. I think this is one of THE most important and well done blogs in a while! And one of the reasons I think so is I mistakenly was that way till about 10 years ago. I just didn’t know any better and I was doing my actual friends a disservice by not asking and when offered anyway, refusing out of false pride. The ol’ single mother with a bunch of sons syndrome plus ample servings of stupidity on my part! :-) All better now. Hope you have reached someone with this perfect bit of advice. Blessings on you!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. wow thanks....
      I think you've been too hard on yourself, that fact that you can identify what some of your issues were is a testament to your strength.

      thank you for sharing.

      Delete
  7. This is so very true. Some people are just too proud to ask for help and that's sad.

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    Replies
    1. true. Pride i believe is developed and shaped from hurt and humiliation hence the difficulty people experience in setting it aside and asking for what they need.

      Delete
  8. Replies
    1. I am humbled that you are in agreement with what is written and discussed.

      thank you for sharing.

      Delete
  9. I'm not one to ask for help, but i also don't expect help to come either...except in obvious situations like i have an arm full of groceries and someone is standing next to the door not doing anything lol. Its not my pride that keeps me from asking for help, its that i don't wanna be a burden on anyone and to a lesser extent i don't like being indebted to people. Some people will never let you live down that one time 10 years ago when they helped you buckle your shoe, smh. But i agree with you though

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Not asking/not expecting hmmmmm......Ah, and i would say, 'there are no obvious situations in which help is automatic simply because what is obvious for you may not be for another. I would also say in light of your "obvious" statement that you do have an expectation why? because you expect by what you determine to be "obvious" to get assistance. haha, that is just be being devil's advocate, though I am sure you know what i mean?

      Though I ask for help at times. I to often times do not ask for it. Thanks for sharing.

      Delete
  10. No journey is easy. We'll all need some type of help along the way. It's good to ask for help, but be careful who you ask.

    There are those who will help you, because they want to and it makes them feel fulfilled. There are also those, who will help you, because they want something in return... And, sometimes, it might not be within your capacity to offer them what they want.

    Ask for help, but do it wisely. Not everyone gives out help freely.

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  11. When I ask, people have the right to say no. Hmmm, Your blog is so enriching.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you.
      It is true is it not? That one has the right to say no.

      Think about it,

      if someone comes to for assistance and you are not in the position in that moment to assist have you not the right to decline? say no? because you are not in the position to?

      Delete
  12. Very true.If one needs help,he/she should ask.No one can divine what is one's mind.Don't we all know "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you"?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Namaste....
      hmmmmmm, wise as usual though i have learnt that "knowing" isn't always knowing, i.e. comprehending nor does knowing implies implementing ones knowledge.

      Delete
  13. It is the crying baby that gets the most attention. So do not hesitate to cry for help :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. wow, hahaha, simple and profound, thank you.

      Delete
  14. I love your blog entries because I always leave, more intellectually enriched than I was before I visited. This is an enlightening post. I just shook my head as I read the post, and smiled, because I ask for help with utmost reluctance, not because I do not need help sometimes, but because I am scared of being a burden or another person, or inconveniencing them on my account. I ask for help most carefully, but there have been times when I needed help, and it came without my having to ask because someone sensed my need. Like the last time I was at the airport about 2 days ago, my hand luggage was kind of heavy, and from nowhere, an airport official walks up to me and offers to help me with it. I gladly gave the bag to him and he escorted me to the boarding gate. I thanked him profusely, and he just nodded, and sauntered off. I was impressed. All the same, one should learn to ask for help when one genuinely needs it. Nice one again, Rhapsody.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Most of us were brought up to carry our "luggage" emotional, physical or any other luggage alone, so asking for help is always difficult. I also carried a burden for a while until I had to swallow my fear and ask for help....lo and behold the first persons asked was more than willing to offer his assistance.

      Delete
    2. Asking for help is a big issue for some of us.....I learnt to be self dependent from my childhood and I have to chin up before I can ask anyone for help. I guess the fear of refusal makes me weary ...

      Delete
    3. Yes...i was raised by a single mother and she taught us to be independent, to carry our own weight in all aspects for me sometimes that means doing what one must to live life, the challenge? Knowing when to ask for help and allowing others to actual help.

      I know longer feel weary because my approach is, i will ask for help and be open to accepting it and mindful that in asking, refusal is a possibility and a right of the person being asked.

      Delete
  15. Ask, and it shall be given....the bible said so, even when GOD knows what we need.
    There are 'helps' atimes that are not needed and looked upon as 'who-sent-you'...it boomerangs on the giver!
    If it is so obvious the person needs help, and he/she is shy to ask for some reasons, it is understandable, one can help...like money asking...some are afraid how the person's response would be and some can't handle rejection well.
    Nevertheless, there is no harm in asking, and should be taken in good faith whatever the response.

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  16. Now this is an area I need to work on. Far too often I carry burdens alone.

    ReplyDelete
  17. I find it hard to ask for help..as did my dear Mother who often suffered in silence. Good post Rhapsody.

    ReplyDelete
  18. I dont normally ask for help.....nothing to do with pride more so that I never made it a part of growing up.......however you reach mid thirties and realise that asking for help could simply be a matter of can you listen to my concerns for 10minutes. Those few minutes I found can significantly change one's outlook on heavy burdens. Thanks for sharing lovely read.

    ReplyDelete
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