Jan 28, 2013

34 Laugh, cry, shake my head and wonders why

A woman’s public washrooms dilemma….it’s so scandalously ridiculous I got to tell it. No, no shame, just keeping it real.

At Walmart-the bend crawl:

That time of the month, ran into a Walmart first act of business, answering natures call. I ran to the washroom thanking the heavenly father for “hold it power”, do my business; reach for the toilet paper…the roll is on the ground.  Yes, THE. ROLL. IS. ON. THE. GROUND. The big ass roll of toilet paper, on the blasted ground, granted it was standing up on one side not laying flat, thank God for small mercies but it was still ON THE GROUND. What do I do? In the locked stall I waddled to my purse handing on the door a few metres away because there was no hooks in this particular stall. My ass in mid air sticking out with no modesty, back low, knees bent, moving slowly, I reached my goal and retrieved my tissues.  Once I fixed myself I picked up the big ass roll of toilet paper, rolled it out and flush the parts that were on the ground and then propped it up on the hand rail behind the toilet. When I told my sister who was waiting outside for me, she laughed her blooming head off imagining me doing the bend over crawl/walk. She was laughing so hard I had to join in-what can I say, you got to laugh at yourself sometimes. Afterwards I reported to the powers that be in Walmart about the toilet paper on the ground and not in a holder.

At Work-Toilet paper caper:

Ever had issue trying to get a piece of toilet paper after you have used the washroom and end up fighting with the damn thing and cursing a blue streak? If you have then you will know my frustration if no well lucky you, me not so lucky.

After sitting at my desk a long time without a washroom break I was racing to the washroom, no time for chit chat, anyone trying to get my attention got a face full of teeth (forced smile) and a waving hand followed by a monosyllabic squeak “washroom” while I bullet through the doors. Unlocking the door I ran into the washroom, a quick one two check, seat clean-yes (even though I don’t sit I squat), toilet paper there-yes, all is right with the world. I do my business relief watering my eyes. I reach for the toilet paper and it tears. One tiny piece, I suck my teeth and tried again, again another small piece. Frustrated I moved myself being careful to remain hanging over the toilet bowl and I tried again, this time I am talking to myself, ‘come on, come on….just move dammit!’ nothing, it’s stuck.

I take deep breath turning slowly while keeping my derrière hanging over the bowl. With a determined reach using my right hand while my left held onto my clothes, I grabbed  the toilet paper roll, rolled it first right-nothing, then left-nothing, then right again and I managed to grab a piece without tearing it. Using my fist I push up to release it the toilet paper as it was getting stuck (the reason for the premature tearing) so it could move to give me more paper. I developed a rhythm, push up, release, pull, push up, release, and pull until I got enough. Gratified but exhausted I wonder, ‘why the hell does these kiss-meh-arse toilet paper have to be so difficult to rollout.’ I mean if the walls could talk they would be screaming for me to cover up all my stuff hanging out practically drip drying like a frigging idiot in a half stoop position trying to get a decent piece of paper to wipe my ass. What the hell is that about, it’s bloody frustrating; the only saving grace in the experience is that I was alone and didn’t have a witness to the show.

I wish they would come up with a better way for the toilet paper to roll out when it’s full and when it’s almost empty. It would make life so much easier. Later of course I laugh myself silly when I thought about my hunched over half naked exposed self from the waist down with my pants and panties around my knees held there by my left hand so it does not touch the ground. However at the time it simply was not funny.

Do you have a public washroom dilemma?

34 comments:

  1. Oh, I thought I was the only one who had those too full tissues tear in small pieces, LOL. My washroom dilema is mostly the toilets that will self flush even before I'm done. Like, what?

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    1. I know eh, the first time that happened to me i though, what the hell? Then i realized its motion sensor, then you spend the rest of the time trying to go up and down hoping it would sense you and flush again. Lord have mercy, its too much, i just have to laugh.

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  2. LMBO. Yeah, the toilet paper not tearing off properly just makes me wanna drop-kick a puppy.

    The only real potty-dilemmas i can think of are either getting into a single-stall restroom where there's no tp at all. Or going into a multi-stall bathroom and every single stall is more disgusting than the last.

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    1. Yeah i feel that....sometimes you can't be picky though cause you just can't hold it. I have learnt to always have tissue with me + i walk with baby wipes.

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  3. Hi,

    Visit your blog, it will be a fabulous way to pratice my english. Nice blog Rhapsody. Thanks for your share.

    La Rouge.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Blessings and welcome.....
      You are more than welcome to stop by anytime.
      Thank you.

      Delete
  4. Rhapsody you made me laugh with this post hilarious but I understand your frustration with the loo roll happens at my work place too.

    Its disgusting having to use tissue thats been lying on the floor.....its very rare but on occassions when I've had to use the toilet at a petrol station, am filled with dread ewwwwww there's never any tissue and if there is, its normally wet YUCK!

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    1. hmmmmmm....laughter is good for the soul.
      t'is why my bloody bag is always so heavy cause i got to walk with my supplies for just such an occassion. I cannot tolerate the no wipe thing...yuck.

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  5. Laughing so hard here....you did w-h-at?!!!!
    That was mighty kind of you to pick up the roll from the floor.


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    1. Glad you bust a gut at my delimma but sometimes things happen and you can't help but laugh because it just so rediculous and unneccary but that life and you just gotta go with it.

      Yeah I stripped off the dirty parts and flushed it then put it up so the next person can have clean tissue.

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  6. Wow...the thing always seems to happen in Nigeria, one gets to the public toilet and you are not let in because there is no water...or after relieving yourself you realise there is no tissue or water anywhere...that walk of shame is just unbearable sometimes...

    I actually laughed reading this post.

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    1. Oh Lordy lord, for sure you got to walk with your tissue then, on the water issue well not much you can do there but when you gotta go you got to go, you just try to do it very very carefully.

      laughter is good.

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  7. I hate using a public rest room for the very reasons you mentioned in your post.

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    1. I do to however in some situations it simply cannot be helped, nature will buckle your needs otherwise.

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  8. That is too funny, good post... when traveling, I always bring a roll of toilet tissue and a can of Lysol... My people, laugh at me, but it serves the purpose... It especially serve the purpose when I am with my 11 year old daughter... I never send her in a bathroom without some latex gloves and the Lysol... She thinks it's a normal thing to do... I heard my sisters and exes complain about the women's bathrooms in public places...

    Thanks for sharing...

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Ah...I always have tissues and wipes (saying that i gotta replish my supply).

      I will look into the lysol thing if i can get it in a travel size can would be stella.

      Glad I can provide some laughter.

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  9. That's hilarious! I have had the same issues as you, lol. I think that is common among folks, even though we don't talk about it. But oh my goodness, the fright and terror that comes with it all. Sigh.

    I just hate when folks blow the restrooms up and leave it smelling like damnation and I go in afterwards. And someone comes in after me, thinking it was ME who did that. LOL.

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    1. hahahaha.....you had me laughing...and you can't turn back because your need to go is so urgent that you grin and bare it....woo lord,

      isn't interesting how you are defending yourself even when no one else has accused you....

      lol, lol, life is funny that way.

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    2. I'm laughıng so much at thıs comment-ıt could have been me wrıtıng ıt, lol. The funny thıng ıs that, you may thınk that after you do your own busıness ın there and come out, yours leaves the place nıcely perfumed. Same smell gırl, same smell, only ıt's ın grades, hahahaha.

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    3. I guess that's because you are use to your smell and not somebody else's, hehe, but lord some people oooh weee! Damn if you were to light a match everything will be blown to thy kingdom come.

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  10. Oh there are many possible hazzards in a public restroom.

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  11. Havıng to use a publıc restroom anywhere can be nıghtmare. I absolutely do my best to avoıd not usıng one, unless I absolutely have to. Once had an experıence ın an aırport where I absolutely had to go 'cos for reasons I can't explaın, my system, whıch ıs usually so controlled decıded to be uncontrollable. Unfortunately for me, after I dıd the do, whıch brought sweet relıef, there was no tıssue!!! In my haste, I hadn't bothered to check!!! I now had to ımprovıse-I saw an empty plastıc can whıch I used to fetch water to wash, only to dıscover that ıt had been used to pour fuel!!! I only dıscovered after the wash. It was so not funny but I couldn't be upset @anyone, but myself. Once nature calls, you just must answer or rısk publıc dısgrace and embarrassment, lol.

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    1. Oh my heavenly father, you washed your ying yang with gasoline! Oh my ...that is rich, i cant hold my laughter, tears are running down my face, oh damn I thought I was going through it but sistah you win the prize with that one, lol, lol, lol. I guess you were all gassed up to go...hehe, sorry couldn't help that one, it was waaaaay too easy to let slide. Lord the humiliation we endure just to answer nature's call. You gotta laugh about it otherwise you'd just cry.

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    2. I tell you my sister. I laugh about it so much now, but I can bet you, I was not laughing that day, lol.

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    3. Well on the day of certainly know, you'd be too mad, embrassed and irritated by the course of events. Isn't it beautiful though how you can look back and smile and the lessons that came from the experience to better prepare you for going forward?

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  12. I'm sorry but I just couldn't suppress the giggle. I hate it when you sit down and forgot to check if there was paper. Yuuuuck!

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    1. Well first i never sit down i squat and if i absolutely have to sit then i wash the seat using paper towels, soap and water and finish off with hand sanitizer. Am not trying to sit on no public toilet just like that. Second I have learnt the hard way to always walk with tissue.

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  13. lmaoooo this was too funny. Oh my daysss. *wipes tears* but it seems it has happened to a lot of us

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    1. Yes it has,.....its why its good to share to show that we are not alone in some of life's embarrassing moments.

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  14. OMG that was funny but sooo real! I have had a public wash room dilema when the zip on my jeans got stuck and they were announcing my flight :)

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    1. Oh that's not good...
      the blessing in all these chaotic moments, we get through it.

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  15. Good one that made me laugh out loud thanks for this today...
    Hope your doing fine Rhapsody
    Enjoy your Coming Week.
    Sheila

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    Replies
    1. You are welcome..
      laughter can be healing.
      I trust you are enjoying your week

      Delete

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