I will post her questions to you in the end of our email conversation.
HER EMAIL
Dear Rhapsody…
I have a question for you and I will like to know your thoughts on it. It is a little bit difficult to understand however if you need me to clarify please ask me.
- Does love depend on feelings?
- If someone doesn’t feel those feelings they felt at the first time does it mean the love is gone after you promised to love that someone (what I felt at that time), but then one day you wake up and you do not have the same feelings, but the person is really a good person, does the relationship have to stop?
- What if the other person in the relationship still loves me a lot and I know he does because he proves it by his actions, should I wait and see what will happen? I need your opinion.
MY RESPONSE
Hmmmmmm…..Lady D
Love manifest in many ways and the expression varies based on how people interpret love, what they think it means and now they feel the expression of love should look, sound and feel. I guess if I were to compartmentalize it (put it into parts); I would use 2 categories FEELINGS & ACTIONS just to keep it simple.
- FEELINGS being the emotion i.e. the pleasure you feel, the connection, the contentment, the high as love is very potent
- ACTIONS being the compulsions, that the drive and motivates you into doing things to express that feeling of love, to show the one who has won your affection what they mean to you as love is inspiring and that inspiration incites you to do things for the one(s) you love
They both go hand in hand. I believe love is transitional hence it shifts and changes whether those changes are for the better or worse is dependent on the parties involved and how committed they are to making the relationship the best it can be. That means evolving together as a couple, making allowances and compromises that is to the benefit of the relationship while still maintaining ones individuality and being accountable not only to one’s own happiness but to the happiness and success of the relationship.
Example:
- In a marriage/common law or boyfriend/girlfriend relationship the love is always evolving whether that’s good or bad is reliant on the people involved. For instance, when you first fall in love there is the euphoria, the excitement, the ecstasy, the anticipation; it’s a nature’s natural drug (If you can bottle that stuff you’d be a billionaire).
- As time passes however some of that euphoria simmers down and the newest fades and thus begins the true knowing of each other’s idiosyncrasies (ways, habits, flaws etc.). Sometimes it is in learning these personal imperfections (which we all have) is where we learn truly if the person we are with is the person we want to be with for the rest of our lives.
So my answer to your question is two-fold.
- On a significant level YES because it is that initial love that carries you through and can be sustaining and…
- NO on a real level because one can grow to truly love a person while not being starry eyed, over the hill in love the first time they meet. This love can manifest sometimes from how well one is loved and cared for by the other person, how one is always considered and decisions made with that consideration in mind, to be put first, to be a priority above all else.
Overall though one must be honest with their self and do what is best for self regardless of what anyone else may think because it is you and only you that will have to live with the circumstances of your decision (choice). I believe that whatever choices you make for the type of relationship you want (choose) your needs, wants, desires and dreams should always be (considered) part of the equation, to make any decision without you in mind will only be detrimental (harmful) to you in the long run.
It is said that if you cannot imagine growing old with the person you are with, cannot visualize (see in your mind’s eyes) or foresee any real future with them then that in itself is a very potent (powerful) answer.
Hope that helps, take care
Lady D’s Response:
Hey Bella, Thank you so much for this message. mmmmm, I have re read it, I totally agree with you. I would be very happy if you'd put it on your blog so I can see other people’s perspective on LOVE?
Take care, hugs… Lady D
Lady’s Questions….
- Is love dependant on feelings and if your feelings of love changes does that mean the love is over?
- Should you stay based on the other person's love for you?
- What is your understanding on love?
Hi, Earlier when we are in love with some girl we used to ask by their first alphabet. Like M,J,L,D etc. Your writing is reminding me the same. Nice Blogs. Keep going.
ReplyDeleteCheers Tridib
Namaste....
DeleteThank you
Sometimes we have an idealized vision in our head as to what love is supposed to love and feel like. Love and infatuation are two completely different things, don’t confuse the two.
ReplyDelete1. Were you ever really in love him or just infatuated?
2. Are you in love with him or are you in love with falling in love?
If you are able to answer these two questions and apply the answer to your particular situation you will know what to do. Good luck.
wow.....profound and provocative. Thank you for sharing....
DeleteAs some say it’s all in the head, very interesting blog. Love always changes, sometimes it grows into something deeper and sometimes it dies. I think it just depends on how people nurture it.
ReplyDeletehmmmm.....so true.
Deletedoes intrinsic essence support our feelings, linguistic conventions, projections?
ReplyDeleteperhaps nothing exists "underneath"
our imputations…
self-mental designation–> shaves head and name oneself lama ding dong :p
hmmmmmm intriguing questions.
DeleteIt definitely is difficult to not stress…especially now that it’s almost exam time for me.Everyone definitely has to take time out for themselves… might go nuts otherwise, LOL!Happy Monday! -Stay Blessed
ReplyDeletehmmmmmmm.....relaxing is easier said than done however one must find was to cope that is healthy and life affirming.
DeleteLove is two way street: if you love him then it must he love you as same as you.
ReplyDeleteYou must know REALLY loving him or just emotional involed in the romantic way (Not true love)?
Someway he must LOVE you MORE because many case a last long time relationship between you and your friend.
I hope you have happy relationship with your friend, Good luck!
Michiko
thank you, you are right, love should be reciprocal.
Deleteyes, you must be able to see beyond mere ‘pleasure’ and feel happiness with regard to your beloved. not just fleeting elation, or ephemeral joy, not just a background of contentment, but real happiness.
ReplyDeleteWow Marcus that is profound and oh so true.
DeleteHi, nice blog, love is a many splendored thing. there are all kinds of love, but only one kind that will touch your soul and heart deeply and it doesnt happen to everyone, some spend lifetime with feelings of emptyness. Only the blessed ones find real true love, I’m a romantic, lol. Venus
ReplyDeleteThat is an interesting take on love. Thank you for sharing.
DeleteLove starts with ‘self love’ for me. If you don’t love yourself you can’t love anyone else.
ReplyDeleteIn most relationships the feelings that one has when the ‘love’ is new, is never the same a few months or years down the road. But that does not mean that you don’t love or care about the person or don’t want the relationship anymore. But one must certainly be able to distinguish the feelings and know if they want to stay in that relationship. I makes no sense what-so-ever staying in a relationship where you feel nothing and you’re just there because you don’t want to hurt the other person by leaving. This is a two way thing – 50 50!
Oh that is so true. Self-love is the key, yet many of us don't discover this until we are way over 30 and some of us just never get that simply yet profound truth.
DeleteI like to think of it as 100-100 as i don't go halves rather i choose the whole i.e. 100%
Thanks for the P.O.V. (POINT OF VIEW)
I totally agree with this. thumbs up
DeleteThank you..
DeleteHI there, I didnt mean from 0 to 18, I meant grown up people, not even affairs, but mariages even, it’s so much better, thanks for your comments. Venus
ReplyDeleteHMMMMM, i understood, thanks for clarifying.
DeleteThe only kind of love I know about is unconditional love so when I tell someone I love them I love them no matter what happens between the two of us. You can love someone from a distance and sometimes, depending on the relationship, loving them that way is best. Great entry! Have a good week!!
ReplyDeleteAh unconditional love is indeed what we all crave and welcome, many of us request it but are unable to give it. That you can do this is a gift of spirit. May you always be able to do so.
Deletepeace. thank you for sharing
ohhhh love….hardly does the mind knows wat heart desires…..
ReplyDeleteif love is a feeling it s sure to float and flee as the time pass..wat say?
well….it s not my subject ..i think i must love first only then can say sth about it…
have a nice day…
Deepu
ah but you have loved many times, we love our families, our friends etc.....as love comes in many forms so i dare say you are qualify to weigh in.
DeleteHmmmm very interesting topic and I think you ended it well when you said It is said that if you cannot imagine growing old with the person you are with, cannot visualize (see in your mind’s eyes) or foresee any real future with them then that in itself is a very potent (powerful) answer.
ReplyDeleteGood stuff hope you are having a great week.
It is indeed a good barometer for making some sort of decision.
DeleteHey Fab,
ReplyDeleteThanks SO MUCH for your comment. I totally appreciate it everything you wrote and will pass it along to my friend. He has been silent these last 2 days which concerns me. I don’t think things are going well…I will have him read your comment. Hopefully it will spark something in him that will allow him to think about some things that I don’t think he has considered at all.
*blessings*
Theresa
You are most welcome. We all from one time or another need the counsel of others.
Deletepeace.
Excellent reply…
ReplyDeleteIf we understand love with another in this nutshell it will last.
Love is patient and kind.
Love is not jealous or conceited or proud.
Love is not ill-mannered or selfish or irritable.
Love does not keep a record of wrongs.
Love is not happy with evil.
Love is happy with the truth.
Love never gives up.
Love gives us faith.
Love gives us hope.
Love never fails.
Have a nice week and thank you for sharing, Greg
hmmmmmmm, Love is all that is now if only we can adhere to what is written here we will all be basking in the glow of LOVE.
DeleteHow r ya! Thanks for dropping in………..when I wrote the poem I was recalling people I’ve known, sometimes you wonder where they’re at…..I recovered…………….as for the question……….actions speaks volumes, they’re a result of love evolving into something tangible that you can share………….xx
ReplyDeleteActions absolutely speak louder than works.
DeleteLove itself doesnt hurt,,,heheheheheh,,,lets live and love,,,love the heart that hurt you and dont hurt that heart that loves you,, that is all i know.
ReplyDeletehmmmmm, you getting philosophical on me D?
DeleteHi Lady D:
ReplyDeleteSomehow I know you speak spanish so here is my opinion based on my experience and in our language.
De alguna manera el amor easta relacionado con lo que sientes y con lo que ves. Los sentimientos son muy importantes y yo considero que el amor se basa en lo que sientes por ejemplo: cuando ves a la persona que amas sientes las famosas mariposas en el estomago o si te toman de la mano sientes esos electroshokes en todo el cuerpo son como corrientes de electricidad que corren por todo tu cuerpo entonces concluyendo si el amor esta basado en los sentimientos. Solo recuerda que hay personas que son muy calculadoras y que para conseguir lo que quieren no importa como es la persona lo unico que buscan es su beneficio. De que lado estas tu?
Contestando la segunda pregunta primero me gustaria saber cuanto tiempo esa persona ha estado cerca de la otra para saber y sentir que realmente es amor yo considero que para sentir amor debe de haber un tiempo en el que convivas en el que estes cerca de la otra persona en el que compartas experiencias y muchas otras cosas antes de decidir si es o no amor, , tal vez lo que se sienta al inicio de una relacion es el sentirse bien con esa pareja o sentirse acompanado y mas si se estuvo solo durante mucho tiempo y tal vez ni siquiera sea amor sea solo sentirse agusto y comodo con alguien.
El amor no desaparece tan rapido entonces no es amor es otra cosa. A pesar que la otra persona sea una buena persona yo considero que no se debe de mentir en cuanto a los sentimientos y se debe de hablar con la verdad ya que una de las principales reglas de las relaciones es hablar con la verdad no importa lo dura que sea y tambien la comunicacion si estas ocultando tus sentimientos que creo que es muy grave imaginate que otras cosas no vas a estar escondiendo. Hay que comunicarse y si de verdad te interesa la persona trata de hacer algo por rescatar la relacion pero si no es asi cada dia te vas a sentir culpable de que no sientes lo mismo y que no estas correspondiendo de la misma manera. Yo no creo en times off no creo que esto te de tiempo para que reflexiones y pienses lo que sientes lo que si puedes hacer es pedir ayuda a tu pareja siempre y cuando quieras salvar la relacion y creas que es importante para ti.
Si te esperas a ver que pasa pueden pasar muchas cosas una de ellas es que se van a lastimar y despues el dano seria mayor como lo dije anteriormente no debes de esperar sentada si esta es la persona que tu crees que es la correcta para ti luchen juntos pero con las cartas sobre la mesa, a veces las acciones dicen mas que las palabras y por tu comentario de que esta personas de llena de atenciones y sus acciones te demuestran que te ama yo creo que tienes la obligacion de ser honesta y el tiene el derecho de saber que es lo que sientes y que espera de la relacion, que pasaria si el no quiere seguir contigo porque tu tienes dudas eso te daria un ejemplo si de verdad esa relacion vale la pena de saber si el realmente esta enamorado de ti y piensa ayudarte. Tu eres responsable de tus actos y acciones. No te dejes intimidar porque te traten bien si no existe esa quimica que se necesita en una relacion tal vez esta no sea la persona para ti.
Nada mas piensa si fuera al reves tu estas super enamorada y el no siente lo mismo tu como reaccionarias y que pensarias de esta persona si no te dijera nada.
Suerte
Love is built on mutual trust and giving to the other one in the relationship. I had 50 years of marriage to a great guy that I loved till his last breath, through the good times and bad times and in sickness and health. Unfortunately my story is not the norm, sad to say.
ReplyDeletewow 50 years, fantastic, indeed mutual trust and give and take is paramount. Well I think for your time it is the norm for many of your generation have had and continue to have long marriages.
Deletewow! This is sooo encouraging!!
DeleteAbsolutely, "we" often speak as if long-gevity is a thing of the past, an impossibility, truth is it is not impossible, people simply have to be realistic about what it takes to have such a relationship.
DeleteRhapsody: I think you've said it all. Love might start out as feelings, but feelings cannot sustain a relationship. Just because they feelings stop or end does not mean, love has ended. Love is a decision: you are aware of the other person's imperfections as well as your own and still choose to remain with that person.
ReplyDeletehmmmmm.....loving with warts and all, i believe that is what we call unconditional love. To see a person as is and accept as without trying to change who they are. A rare fine but doable.
DeleteLove! Love! Love!...what is the TRUE definition of it? We humans come up with WHAT we think love is....but if we truly want to follow what the scriptures says in Corinthians, then i must confess that humans don't love but rather we lust!
ReplyDeleteWell, not to go all spiritual ans scriptural, and stay on the human understanding, Love to me, is not the excitement and euphoria that we first experience when we first meet, since lust comes with the same feeling, rather it is the deep respect and comfort of being with someone and being yourself.
And yes! We NEED Grace to keep it going, because some events will happen that will make the heart grow cold...that is where and when our love will be tested!
Beautifully said, thanks for keeping it real.
DeleteThe love vs feeling issue has been a subject of debate for so long and it keeps recurring in different scenarios/relationships. For me, love is not dependent on feelings, because feelings are rooted in the emotions, and emotions fluctuate depending on what is going on with the person at the moment. If you are upset with your partner, the feelings of love may not be that strong at that time, and if you are happy with your partner-your feelings for him/her will be particularly strong at that time too. Love is a choice-you choose to love the person regardless of the intrigues that are going on in the relationship-and true love never ends, no matter what. Even for spouses whose relationship is very closely knitted, there are times that you will not have those strong feelings of love, but it does not mean that you have stopped loving them. I have been married for 10 years, and I do not believe in a 'show' outside for people to see-because my bond with my husband on the inside, where nobody sees us,is tight and the people that live in our house can attest to that, but where I am going with this is that, there are times that he drives me crazy, and I do the same for him, and at those times, I doubt if any feelings are left, lol. But when we consciously make a choice to act loving, and do loving things to, and for each other, the strong feelings return in no time. So, I'd say that love is far more than feelings. If the foundation of that relationship/love is true, then it is only a matter of time; as you choose to be loving/carry out acts of love for your partner, the feelings will return. True love is forever-it survives betrayal, anger,hurts, storms, turbulence-all sorts, you name it. Sadly enough, this is not the kind of love that is being touted by our generation.
ReplyDeleteUnyime-Ivy you have made some very valid sound points about love, feelings & emotions. Thank you for sharing your wisdom with us.
Deletethank you all for your comments
ReplyDeleteohh thank you for posting it, it is been years we wrote to each about that, isnt it? i re read it and smiled. Well my thoughts on love, what can i say.... I am single .. i can use my past experience, that it takes two to make a relationship work, and in that time when both feel they they are on the same page, great if not, however good it was,, then we need to move on. Love frees us, it doesnt enslave us, i think Fear is the one that creates all pain we go through when relationship ends. I have now this belief that Things happen for our Highest and Best Good, and sometimes when things arent going the way we want and expect, it is becoz something much greater much better that we cant see or comprehend is about to come. Thank you my friend for sharing this post, it took me back to my past and now i realised there is nothing to fear about Love, Love is Love,, hehehehehe
Yes it has thought the subject matter is very relevant and I wanted an update to show that you have grown and triumph over the heart ache.
Deleteohh thank you for posting it, it is been years we wrote to each about that, isnt it? i re read it and smiled. Well my thoughts on love, what can i say.... I am single .. i can use my past experience, that it takes two to make a relationship work, and in that time when both feel they they are on the same page, great if not, however good it was,, then we need to move on. Love frees us, it doesnt enslave us, i think Fear is the one that creates all pain we go through when relationship ends. I have now this belief that Things happen for our Highest and Best Good, and sometimes when things arent going the way we want and expect, it is becoz something much greater much better that we cant see or comprehend is about to come. Thank you my friend for sharing this post, it took me back to my past and now i realised there is nothing to fear about Love, Love is Love,, hehehehehe
ReplyDeleteAh good lesson to learn, that love does not hurt us people do. Love is love.
DeleteI may be older than a lot of you. Hmmm....I'm 58. =)
ReplyDeleteI think of real love as being in the best friendship you can imagine - the allure of passion will lessen with time, kids, illness, loss, yadda-yadda but if you have the core friendship in place all will endure.
Can you separate the two? Well... I guess I'd want someone who was there for me like I am there for him.
Sorry for my long answer. =)
love reciprocated and infused with compassion, understanding and tolerance is a wonder to experience.
DeleteI think your answer is perfect, Rhapsody. You would make a fabulous counselor. My husband and I have been married 40 years in January. We've been friends the entire time. There were times when passion flared and times when we were too busy to think about that part of our relationship. However, at all times... we were friends. And that is love of the best kind, in my opinion.
ReplyDeleteThank you Kay, 40 years, hmmmmm, I won't say you are lucky because to say that is to negate all the hard work, and trials you have triumph over to reach those 40 years. I would say though that the ingredient you both seem to share/have that is sustaining is a deep and abiding committment to each other that endures all things. Blessings upon both of you, may you have even more years together.
DeleteThank you so much for sharing, it is a gift I appreciate.
Here is my response: http://slimwavy.blogspot.com/2012/08/building-long-term-union.html
ReplyDeleteI enjoy your read, it was long as you warned, it was worth the read. You made some very good point with key suggestions of practice to maintain a long-term healthy relationship.
DeleteThank you for sharing.