Oct 2, 2011

55 "The Rules" Male Version

male symBlessings all, not often I pass along an email, sometimes though when something tickles my fancy I like to share it and get some feedback on what you think.
I have often heard women complaining about men leaving the toilet seat up (like I am sure most of you have or agree with) and becoming so entrenched in sports that getting their attention is equivalent to retrieving a steak from a hungry rabid dogs’ mouth. So imagine my delight when I was sent this male version of “the rules”, I thought hmmmm........, it is worth sharing.
  • Men what do you think?
  • Women what do you think. Agree…? Disagree…? Valid to a degree….? Or pure nonsense?
  • Something to chew on? Here it is…
These rules! Male version, please note.. These are all numbered "1” on purpose!
  • 1. Men are not mind readers.
  • 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
  • 1. Sunday sports it's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
  • 1. Crying is blackmail.
  • 1. Ask for what you want. let us be clear on this one: subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
  • 1. Yes and no are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
  • 1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
  • 1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
  • 1. if you think you're fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.
  • 1. if something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one
  • 1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
  • 1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
  • 1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
  • 1. All men see in only 16 colors, like windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
  • 1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
  • 1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong.. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
  • 1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
  • 1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... really.
  • 1. Don’t ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball or golf.
  • 1. You have enough clothes.
  • 1. You have too many shoes.
  • 1. I am in shape. Round is a shape!
  • 1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It’s like camping.

55 comments:

  1. Tee hee, "Crying is blackmail". Really funny!

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  2. Excellent blog, now you know why God made Eve. Imagine a world full of just men? lol No toilet would not have been invented.

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  3. Yea, yea, yea…these are good. Really good. And, true. all of them. It has gotten to the point where I can just mumble out something…anything… because he’s not going to listen anyway, not until he’s good and ready. Then, he’ll ask. won’t do any good to say I told you that – just tell him and get it over with – he’s ready to hear it

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  4. LOL!Great Blog…I had a good laugh and read it with the wife….You normally see the female versions of this, doing the rounds via email, so it’s good to see the "man" equivalent.Peace!

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  5. good one and true to the core :D

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  6. It’s a funny email and I love it take a simple way out of all problems. We sure need more simplicity and directness than building a wall of secrecy, and then second guessing everything. What’s mauve :) :) :)

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  7. Men are from Mars. They were borned to be a simply thinker instead of complicating things. Sometimes I think I should learn from them, rational, see things in simple way. Take it easy man!Have a nice day to you! Cheerz~

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  8. That’s not quite true, those who don’t scratch find out what Mauve looks like! Or is it the other way around??? It’s making me feel itchy just thinking about it.

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  9. I notice that every point is #1. Mauve is melongene!! LOL What will be scratched if it itches?! I’m curious – lol All of these are so damn true. (shaking my head)Have a great week!

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  10. Yes! That just about covers it but, just in case here is Rule #2: if questions should arise, refer to rule #1.j

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  11. Y’all don’t know this already? It has to be written down? I guess we should have known. After all you gave us a hint when y’all spelled WHOA MAN! wrong.

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  12. What makes humor so funny is that there is always a kernel of truth. I'd say there are enough kernels in that email to make a bowl of corn chowder.

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  13. lol, this was hilarious. I'm gonna differ on the toilet seat thing though, i prefer it when guys leave the seat up cos when u pester them too much to leave it down they sometimes decide to just not lift it up and end up (unintentionally) peeing on the toilet seat which is just gross!

    i agree with the list though, very funny and very true

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  14. Lols. You have given in this list plenty of things to chew on.But by and large I find nothing exceptionable though you have injected certain humour in your statements to make men appear in poorer light..What comes out is men are by and large direct,uncomplicated and a bit selfish

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  15. Typical male responses. Thank you for sharing, I am smiling.

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  16. Lol:)..good one...I would say..poor men:)

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  17. Loved it.. I particularly liked the one about colours and about the shape bit.. LOL

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  18. So true and other hand that I would like thinking of The Rules women Version? it going to be more complicated isn't it?
    Thank you for stopping by my place.
    Have a great day

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  19. nice writeup but crying is blackmail i dont know about that cos i feel when you cry it shows true emotions , i may be wrong though...chizys-spyware.blogspot.com

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  20. @The Gaelic Wife a bowl of corn chowder huh, thats rich.

    @dosh well we each have to find what works for us and you have found that leaving the toilet seat up is easier to live with than it down with piss on it, lol.

    @KParthasarathi I haven't interjected anything, this was written by a man on men behalf, so they should know as they are the authority on their habits.

    @Beth smiling is good, it makes the heart glad and relieve the stress.

    @Renu it was an entertaining read.

    @Meera Sundararajan well round is a shape heehee.

    @michiko The rules (female) version is actually a book by said name....THE RULES.

    @Chizy K hmmmmmm, people have been known to use tears to manipulate so it is quite possible that some will use it to blackmail, though not in every case.

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  21. Hi,

    I think it is a good habit to keep toilet seat up. I have also seen women scratching. Christopher Columbus had a compass to direct him. Men and women can't be the same in all respects. If men and women act and behave the same way then why should they be called men and women.

    Very hilarious post. I enjoy it.
    Joseph

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  22. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Nice one here!Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Nice one here!

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  23. I've recieved this email and it is amusing. I have had the toilet seat argument and have used the same logic about not complaining when the seat is down. You should always look before you sit.

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  24. Oh dear those are hilarious. thanks for the laugh!

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  25. This cracks me up big time! lol

    Absolutely enjoyed reading.

    - LDP

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  26. Ah Good read Rhapsody I enjoyed this one , thanks for sharing. Sheila :)

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  27. Good read Rhapsody I really enjoyed this one :) Thanks for sharing. Sheila (Catches the Eye)

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  28. Yes! That just about covers it but, just in case here is Rule #2: if questions should arise, refer to rule #1.j

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  29. This is just too funny and scarily true. I had to call my husband so I could read these to him. In fact, could I stick this on my blog too? It's too good not to share.

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  30. Replies
    1. ...and the truth is not always easy to deal with.

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  31. I thought this was funny in the afternoon for enjoying myself

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  32. Really funny! Poor guys, I think they have their own trouble figuring us women out!. Have a wonderful week

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    1. I know eh, all part of the fun i suppose. Are we not worth the effort though? I certainly think so

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  33. I was laughing as i read it....couldn't help nodding yes, as i scrolled down...this is the reality...men don't know what women want period! So we as women, have to spell it out to them...regarding the toilet seat, it is no biggie to me ...i simply put it down when i want to use as at when watching sports, i leave them alone, and indulge in my own hobbies, reading or watching film or browsing....as for when it needs itches and they scratch it...101% true! MEN! ahahahahaha!....NO! we don't have enough clothes and shoes!..oh yes! round is definitely a shape!
    This was fun :)

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    1. What a wise woman you are, when they are otherwise occupied you engage yourself in other activities of interest that way you are not feeling neglected and ignored.

      I would think that since women know that men leave the toilet see up it goes without saying that you simply put it down when you need to go because truth is we don't leave it up for them, they have to put it up. Turn about is fair play isn't it....

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  34. Bwahahaha! FINALLY, the truth has been told. Bravo! These are the golden rules that are sure to keep just about any relationship between a man and a woman happy. In fact, I think that when a man enters a committed relationship with a woman, these rules should be written down on paper, read out loud and she should have to 'sign off' on them, acknowledging the fact that she has read them and will abide by them. Bwahahahaha!

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    1. haha, you crack me up, it goes without saying that both sides is gonna have issues, we just need to understand and respect each others language and way and things will flow a bit easier, don't you think?

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  35. Quite interesting to see the rules from the male perspective. The fact that men and woman have relationships is amazing. We think so differently about things.

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    1. Isn't that the truth though, i think what is also true is that we want the same things only we speak it and live it differently.

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  36. Lmaoo. This is hilarious and soo true though. Men, simple creatures. Sometimes i wish i was that simple. Sigh. I can't stop laughing at all those colours.

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  37. Men are definitely not mind readers, I always say a closed mouth will never get fed. Women must communicate their emotions, good or bad. At the same time men should offer sympathy and vice verse. I believe in certain instances a woman can own too many shoes and clothes.

    Sports, agreed. Lol.

    Yes, we all need directions at times.

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    1. hmmmmm, nice, in other words tell it like it as, not be passive aggressive or throw hints left and right hoping you catch a clue...hehe. gotcha!

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  38. Funny rules, he should enjoy the couch :)

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    1. *Ouch* lol, lol, as you can see from the rules, they really don't mind the couch as its like "camping" hehe.

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