Mar 7, 2011

25 Make-up in 45/Pornographic Instructions/Osteo-security

Make-up in 45 minutes +.

clip_image002Most mornings many of us are doing something on the run because no matter how much time we have in the morning it always seem to get away from us and we hit the door running while sipping some tea or a cup-a-Joe, eating toast or toasted bagel (breakfast), creaming the hands, putting on earrings, straightening the tie or dabbing some lip-gloss/lipstick etc. However this particular morning this young woman (late twenties to early thirties) forewent all of that and simply opted to carry what seem like her whole make-up kit. She sat in the seat next to me and took out her make-up bag and proceeded put on her make-up beginning with the application of her foundation, to her blush, bronzer, eye shadow, mascara, lip liner, liquid eye liner, lipstick, and powder. It took 45 minutes, I know this because that is the approximate time it takes me to reach my second destination stop before my final leg of the journey to work. As I exited the train, I thought ‘wow’ girl you got steady hands.

Pornographic Instructions

Taking the stairs to the street level for the streetcar, I made a slight detour to get a spinach croissant from the bakery. Just before the exit to the streetcar the time schedule read 3 minutes for the next car. Once it arrived I boarded and took a seat, all of a sudden I heard was, “Yeah, easy, easy, smooth, yeah I like it like that” as the streetcar turn out of the subway station to go South to the Lakeshore. It stopped due to traffic and I thought to myself, ‘what the hell, who is that’?

I began to search inconspicuously for the source of the voice as the overt crooning began “Yeah baby, take me downtown, that’s it, take your time, yeah, like that”. It was the streetcar driver. As I involuntary listened I began to worry about my safety and thought, ‘is he ok, I hope he is not having a mental breakdown because I need to get off this streetcar”!

As the streetcar travelled south on Bathurst the driver continued his crooning pausing clip_image003briefly when he picked up passengers greeting them politely. Once everyone was on board he resumed his vocal instructional caressing, “alright baby, we ready to go, give it to me, yeah, like that, you doing good, easy, easy, ooh I like it.” I just laughed to myself realizing that this is just his way, a little more relaxed though still concern I spied his left hand and saw a wedding band and I thought, ‘he’s married! That wife better have him checked out, because he sounded certifiable’. A quick glance around to the other passengers and the same concern look reflected on their faces as they listen involuntary to the drivers pornographic instructions to the streetcar.


After work in no hurry to run home to a hot house I decided to go to the library, return some books (5 romance novels) and borrow some more. I checked my books in at RETURNS and then made my way upstairs to the second floor in search of some romance books (brain-aerobics to keep the mind stimulated when I get lazy to read). While browsing through the fiction section selected titles that tickled my fancy I looked up and saw the security guard and had to do a double take. The security guard was old and stooped – signs of osteoporosis and I thought, ‘who can he catch, he can barely walk for God sakes’. My imagination went wild as I imagined some machete wheeling person storming through the library in a rage and confronts the security guard only to have him pass out from heart failure.

It was quite and interesting day, one can hardly get bored


  1. You have the most interesting train rides. I love reading about them. :-)
    I love reading, period. I received a Nook as a Christmas gift and I have already got 46 books on it. Over half of them are free ebooks. If I download a sample and I like it I think I have to have it. Can be expensive. I miss my little hometown and the library.
    Looks like you picked out some good reads.

  2. “Yeah baby, take me downtown, that’s it, take your time, yeah, like that”. ...... “alright baby, we ready to go, give it to me, yeah, like that, you doing good, easy, easy, ooh I like it.”... Geeesh woman, I almost got an erection just from reading this!!!!!!

  3. Wow... what a day you had. You have certainly validated the fact that I feel like I must have the most boring life around. Seriously. I think that I could write in a diary, 7 days in advance, and it would almost be 100% accurate. Oh, to be a fly on your shoulder for a day and travel along with you on your adventures, now there's a thought!!

  4. I told my peeps I am gonna start using duct tape to pull and tuck my face up in the morning. I think I would have been laughing at the driver, I relate to hearing voices and talking at them….LOL.Thanks for accepting my invite and enjoy the week.·.¸.♥

  5. Wow, hopefully after a 45 minute make-up application she stepped of the train looking like a supermodel.

  6. BTW, thanks for the "funnies" – always makes me bust my gutts laughing

  7. OMG, I have to wash my fingers with soap and water after applying foundation – so I can’t imagine doing it while traveling. LOL – what a driver? I guess that keeps him awake and alert! I’m not into romance novels, but the titles and photos sure do make those seem interesting.

  8. I always enjoy your observations!

  9. Porn monologues and Romance novels…Oh my!!!

  10. I have had women pass me on the interstate doing 70 miles an hour while putting on their makeup. Once one was even brushing her teeth. I don’t have a story though to compete with the bus driver. I really got a chuckle out of that one.

  11. Takes me a solid hour to get on the road and without makeup, but some self convincing that I am presentable enough…The certifiable porn monologuing bus driver sound entertaining, hope he is a good driver!The hunched security guard, well maybe he know the old saying, that old age and treachery will always win out over youth and vigor!Good one Fab, Hugs :)

  12. :0 @ the street car driver..then :)))))))), like seriously? not a make-up person, so i hardly remember to put on powder sef....maybe theya re just helping out the security man to make some money or keep him busy.

  13. You have very interesting life haven't you?
    it seems right from in the morning some one entertaining for you and gave you idea for your post in here for us:-)
    I know some people having their breakfast in bus.
    Thank you for sharing!

  14. lol.. @ that bus driver some people keep them selves happy with simple things like that

  15. the girl must have practised a lot to be abel to apply her makeup, applying a liquid eye liner is an artistic job for the expert.
    woooow that bus driver... lool
    i would have been on the floor

    thank you for the comment on my blog

  16. I thought you were going in another direction until you revealed it was the driver. All you needed was that sleazy chicka chicka wah music to complete the scene.

    I'm glad I don't have to deal with make up. It's annoying enough to have to put a razor to my face every morning.

  17. Hey, lady. Another day in the life of Rap, huh? Very interesting to say the least. Thanks for sharing.

    I thought I’d take a quick break while little man is asleep and we're waiting for his mommie to come in from work, to stop by and say “Hello”.

  18. Good evening DSBR,

    I switched from sipping a cup-a-joe to drinking Chai tea in the morning while on my sabbatical from blogging. I must admit I think it makes me feel a bit better giving up on the coffee.

    A spinach croissant…Tasty!

    Sounds like there is a whole new meaning to a “Streetcar Named Desire” in Toronto eh…

    Thanks for sharing and have a wonderful weekend…


    PS-Thank you for the emails too while I was away.

  19. Hello,

    This is a very interesting post with three scenes different from each other very vividly written. I could feel that I was sitting next to you and watching all this.

    The driver of the street car is crazy but I suppose he is not the only man.While others suppress their feelings he was giving vent to it and that too in a public bus.He needs a psychiatric check up and should not be allowed to drive a public bus. Come to think of it the driver could be on drugs or intoxicated with liquor.

    I am not surprised at your imagination in the library because you have a very active brain and reading romantic novels adds fuel to the fire.

    This is an excellent post and I thoroughly enjoyed it.

    Best wishes,

  20. gave you an award check


  21. I enjoy your posts and this one made me smile

  22. Oh Lovely I enjoyed reading this Rhapsody , I enjoy your observations great reading. Sheila :)

  23. I have to say, your stories are very funny and interesting. The second one was by far the best :)

  24. LOVE IT!!!! Blog away sistren.

  25. I live a sheltered life and would be scared. Im just a country girl. Wow. Take care of you and becareful


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