Mar 7, 2011

25 Make-up in 45/Pornographic Instructions/Osteo-security

Make-up in 45 minutes +.

clip_image002Most mornings many of us are doing something on the run because no matter how much time we have in the morning it always seem to get away from us and we hit the door running while sipping some tea or a cup-a-Joe, eating toast or toasted bagel (breakfast), creaming the hands, putting on earrings, straightening the tie or dabbing some lip-gloss/lipstick etc. However this particular morning this young woman (late twenties to early thirties) forewent all of that and simply opted to carry what seem like her whole make-up kit. She sat in the seat next to me and took out her make-up bag and proceeded put on her make-up beginning with the application of her foundation, to her blush, bronzer, eye shadow, mascara, lip liner, liquid eye liner, lipstick, and powder. It took 45 minutes, I know this because that is the approximate time it takes me to reach my second destination stop before my final leg of the journey to work. As I exited the train, I thought ‘wow’ girl you got steady hands.

Pornographic Instructions

Taking the stairs to the street level for the streetcar, I made a slight detour to get a spinach croissant from the bakery. Just before the exit to the streetcar the time schedule read 3 minutes for the next car. Once it arrived I boarded and took a seat, all of a sudden I heard was, “Yeah, easy, easy, smooth, yeah I like it like that” as the streetcar turn out of the subway station to go South to the Lakeshore. It stopped due to traffic and I thought to myself, ‘what the hell, who is that’?

I began to search inconspicuously for the source of the voice as the overt crooning began “Yeah baby, take me downtown, that’s it, take your time, yeah, like that”. It was the streetcar driver. As I involuntary listened I began to worry about my safety and thought, ‘is he ok, I hope he is not having a mental breakdown because I need to get off this streetcar”!

As the streetcar travelled south on Bathurst the driver continued his crooning pausing clip_image003briefly when he picked up passengers greeting them politely. Once everyone was on board he resumed his vocal instructional caressing, “alright baby, we ready to go, give it to me, yeah, like that, you doing good, easy, easy, ooh I like it.” I just laughed to myself realizing that this is just his way, a little more relaxed though still concern I spied his left hand and saw a wedding band and I thought, ‘he’s married! That wife better have him checked out, because he sounded certifiable’. A quick glance around to the other passengers and the same concern look reflected on their faces as they listen involuntary to the drivers pornographic instructions to the streetcar.


After work in no hurry to run home to a hot house I decided to go to the library, return some books (5 romance novels) and borrow some more. I checked my books in at RETURNS and then made my way upstairs to the second floor in search of some romance books (brain-aerobics to keep the mind stimulated when I get lazy to read). While browsing through the fiction section selected titles that tickled my fancy I looked up and saw the security guard and had to do a double take. The security guard was old and stooped – signs of osteoporosis and I thought, ‘who can he catch, he can barely walk for God sakes’. My imagination went wild as I imagined some machete wheeling person storming through the library in a rage and confronts the security guard only to have him pass out from heart failure.

It was quite and interesting day, one can hardly get bored

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