May 8, 2018

12 GIVING NEW MEANING TO THE TERM “FULL OF SHIT”


Every so often some of my colleagues and I share stories of adventures we've had in our lives. This day was no exception when one of my colleague (I'll call her Lady V.) shared a funny though somewhat traumatic experience she had while walking in the rain.
Lady V is a runner, if she could run somewhere rather than pay she'd run. It all benefits her stamina, endurance, her building and conditioning.  Last week Thursday it rained all day, by the end of the work day it was still pouring out. Lady V decided to walk the 2.2 kilometers to Yonge Street where she planned to shop at Winners department store.
Lady V was enjoying her brisk walk through the rain that ebb and flow in varying torrents. She thought nothing of the wettest she felt periodically thinking, 'oh, it's just water' as she trotted along to her destination. Soon she arrived at Winners and proceeded to browse through the store for half an hour picking up her items. She arrived at the cashier to pay when she made a horrendous discovery. She stretched one hand out to place her items on the desk and stared in horror as she saw her arm, from shoulder to wrists were leaden with bird shit. She stared in mouth open bewilderment at the cashier who stared back at her in question. Still in shock she reached with her other hand to retrieve her purse only to find it too was full with bird shit. Again she stared bewilderingly at her purse then at the cashier who in his grace kept a straight face. Speechless and embarrassed she cleaned off the poop and paid for her items. Purchases in hand she found that the male cashier was still starring at her this time at her hair. She realized then that there must be more bird shit on her. She looked him in the eye and said mortified, "don't tell me." He kept a serious face and replied, "ok."
Lady V said she hurried home sure now there would be more bird shit on her but too afraid to look because she had no real means of cleaning it off adequately. Once home she dropped her bags rush straight to the bathroom only the stared in dismayed revulsion. She was covered in bird shit, her hair was plastered with shit, her knapsack, her back which was a mystery to her. As she stepped fully clothed into the shower she kept mentally retracing her walk trying to figure out where along the path she could have picked up all the bird shit. According to her it was like someone just dashed a bucket full of bird shit on her.  I was laughing with a horrified grimace on my face and saying eewwwww. She made me laugh even harder when she said, "imagine, I was walking around in the store for half an hour and no one said anything to me."
I said, "well it is warmer now and it is not a strange thing to see someone looking less than desirable walking about."
I smiled at her and said, "you give new meaning to the saying, You're full of shit."
She just laughed

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12 comments:

  1. Oh my gosh! That's incredible! And she didn't know when it happened?! My cousin was at the Roman colosseum when a seagull with diarrhea lost control on him. I wasn't there to actually see it but he told us when we got back to the boat. Oh my! Oh my!

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    1. Nope she didn't have a clue until she went to pay for her items. Well its good she could laugh about it after but at the time it was a bit traumatizing.

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  2. Oh! My!! GoodnessGracious!!! Poor Lady V. Sorry for her predicament but, this is too too funny. Sorry 'bout laughing at that!!!

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    1. Hey laughter is good for the soul. Sometimes laughter is your only saving grace in dealing with the unexpected life throws at yah.

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  3. Oh wow! My mouth is wide open. In Nigeria, the whole world would have called your attention to it, lol. Two extremes, I guess.

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    1. Oh seldom you would find someone here that will say something. They just let you walk around like that. In Trinidad they would have done the same thing.

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  4. Yeesh, what is it about the birds in your area? Do they all wait for rainy days and then go out en masse to void on people? Unless all the ground and buildings around there were equally beturded, it sounds as if Lady V was being targeted by the birds in some way. Maybe she was a cat in a previous life?

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    1. I guess the old adage applies, "when you gotta go you gotta go"

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  5. Oh my how I laughed Rhapsody , must be a whole lot birds in the said area. Not knowing how people were being perlite or just shocked into no speech at all.
    Hope you are well , love this post many Blessing.
    Sheila

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    1. Wow Sheila, it indeed has been a while.
      I will take the many blessings with open arms.
      I am glad you got a great laugh. Laughter is good for the soul.

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