Now while I will be one of the first ones to say, “easier said than done,” I also see the wisdom in letting some things be because there comes a point in life when one must decide (for the sake of sanity and health) what to put down, what to pick up and what to simply leave alone or else you are liable to work yourself into an early grave.
sweating the small stuff
One of the things I often encounter with people in relationships is there incessant complaints of what I determined to be the “small stuff.”
§ Cap left off the toothpaste
§ Toilet seat left up.
§ Feeling ignored while television is on
§ left home alone at while partner/husband/boyfriend goes out with friends
Granted all of the above can be bloody annoying, at times seemingly inconsiderate and the unrelenting urge to shout and verbally castrate someone for the little committed sins of domesticity can be quite tempting. But guess what, sometimes it’s not all that serious and if it is then you got some evaluating to do to figure the real cause of your discontent.
I do believe that there comes a point when you have to pick your battles, set your priorities and make some agreements that allows you to move on from the dried out mundane arguments that can be burdensome to all involved. What is the benefit of working yourselves into such a state that you have veins popping out your forehead dividing it like the shoreline of a riverbank? or worst yet, having a totally irrational meltdown that have your family and even you if you are honest about it questioning your sanity?
So your partner always leaves the toothpaste open and you hate it and it seems no matter how many times you convey this, it feels like it falls on deaf ears.
Ask yourself this, ‘If you been doing this for more than and still it continues, how long do you think it will take you to get the point where you understand that its not gonna happen? Hmmmmmm… At what point do you stop, re-assess the situation, shift gears and try something new?
Toilet seat up:
Ok so you have asks your partner tirelessly to please put back down the toilet seat and you’ve had some close calls involving almost sticking in the toilet bowl to which you get royally pissed and charge full steam ahead to give your partner a piece of your mind. While I am feeling that pet peeve, (trust me am feeling yah) and I can also agree 100%. I must pause however to ask; “If you’ve been asking for more than 6 months when will YOU learn? (Yes you) At what point will self-preservation kick in saying to yourself, ‘self, you are going to the bathroom please remember to check the seat before you sit.’ Hmmmmmmm….Just asking, am not saying you should have to and of the aforementioned however the apparent length of time you been living the reality should be enough of a warning to you to safeguard yourself.
BEING IGNORED: (Now this is a big one)
Now presumably you are living with your partner for some time, so naturally you are familiar with their patterns and modes of behaviour (if you smart that is). I hate to sound like a broken record but people when will you buy a clue? If you are constantly getting ignored during these particular times when your partner is otherwise preoccupied, why do you continue to punish yourself? Why not change the times you want to communicate?
The reality is you cannot make your partner do what you want he/she to do, when you want he/she to do it because frankly the only person you can really control is yourself, so why not re-schedule the time when you partner is more likely to be open and receptive to hearing what you have to say instead of beating your head against the proverbial wall?
Yeah your partner should probably be more sensitive to your needs and nothing should be more important, least of all a television show but we are talking about the real world here. I would love it if more people bathe, cover their mouths when they yawn/sneeze and excuse themselves when they want to fart but that’s not likely to happen just because I want it to now is it?
LEFT HOME ALONE:
In a word, "Why?" what’s stopping you from going out? Are you not capable of taking yourself out? There are a myriad of solutions to every barrier you may think hinders you stepping out for a night with friends, tap into that brilliance and make it happen.
Get a life! Let’s face it, your happiness is your responsibility and if you want to go out and have a good time, then why you sitting feeling sorry for yourself, lower your self-esteem, diminishing your self-worth and getting all stressed out and feeling low waiting for somebody to invite you out? Why would you give away your power like that? Do you think when your partner leaves to have a funking good time that you are on their minds? You think for a second that you are weighing heavy on their minds because you at home all by yourself feeling pitiful. Chile please, if you think that then money up cause I got some swampland to sell you as lakeside property.
Get a life! Get active, get purposeful and cultivate some interests-dancing/art/music lessons, yoga, poetry, book club, mentorship, participate in your community, volunteer etc,.
Don’t sweat the small stuff. Decide what you want out of your relationship(s) and have the courage to speak it and live it, don’t make excuses and nitpick the small things to death, it will only turn your relationship toxic.
It’s important that you know and understand your worth. It goes a long way in fortifying your happiness. As long as you sell yourself short and allow unfinished “things” to define and redefine your worth then you will always feel like you are getting the short end of life’s sad stick. Your life is your responsibility, yes when you are with someone you have agreed to share your life with them and make certain compromises but how does that equal forfeiting your right to decide and make decisions that ultimately makes you happy? How does that serve you?
Who says for you to stop breathing, making your own decisions and doing the things that makes you fundamentally happy. I am not talking of blind stupidly like acting in total disregard to your partner.
You can point the finger and blame your partner for feeling disrespected however bare in mind that you teach people how to treat you based on what you do, what you don’t do, by what you say, by what you don’t say, by what you accept and what you don’t accept.
YOU are accountable to YOU, for how others treat you and if you don’t like it, then, do something about it. Bitching and complaining will only get you as far as you can spit and last as long as it takes the sun to dry it on a hot sweltering day.
If you are not feeling secure, loved, honoured, respected or valued in your relationship then you need to share that with your partner and not make the small stuff the catalyst by which to communicate your hurt, because let’s face it, not all partners maybe wise enough to figure it out. Your hurt and the reason for it should not be a mystery.